I am tired! I am tired of having to shop for food and prepare it all only to have the people in this house eat it. I am tired of opening up my crisper and finding cut open vegetables rotting in there. I am tired of always having to figure out what to eat and making it. I am tired of making every meal for everyone be wholesome and made of quality ingredients only to have my coparent feed them processed food that is laden with simple carbs, and fat. 

I am tired...

I am tired of being vigilant about sugar only to have the house fill up with candy, cookies and ice cream. And not quality, whole ingredient, ice cream or treats, but the most processed, chemical laden kind...

I am tired of making sure my kids eat unprocessed food made from whole quality ingredients only to find cheeseballs, chips and candy as a mainstay of the house the minute I turn my back.

I am tired of my values in nutrition being agreed with only to have the actions in this house contradict them.

I am tired of being told that if I need to take time for myself to go to the gym to just let everyone know and it will be accomodated only to have that never actually be the case because my coparent thinks it is enought to be in the house. That he doesn't need to interact with his children. And that the assumption is that I can actually leave them alone for an hour while I go to the gym.  The reason I don't is because the minute I leave the kids are eating junk and watching TV in the middle of the day.

I am tired of having strict rules about screentime only to have them fly out the window the minute someone needs to step up to the plate and be an actualy father.

I am tired of having to make sure that I put everything back in its place after cooking healthy unprocessed meals because the other people in this house are too lazy to put it away. They get their meals prepared for them and it is some big deal that they have to do a decent cleanup job.

I am tired of cleaning up other peoples messes, and always doing whole house cleaning when every one else takes care of only themselves. Their own sheets, their own towel, the napkins, household towels and rags stay in the laundry basket until... I am the one who folds them.

So why is this relelvant to healthy eating anyway? Because I may eat healthy but I still go last. I still have to struggle uphill because the house gets filled with crap food. My healthy food gets eaten when I rely on leftovers. I can never be the one to say -lets eat a fozen preprepared meal, or order pizza, or have a panini for dinner because the father has already taken the easy way out. 

I don't know why I would expect anything to change after 14 years. I ask, I am agreed with, and yet the actions fall so far short of the reality that it is an insult.

And I am tired and not taking care of myself, but this week is my birthday and I want to take care of myself. That is all! That is the minimum that I deserve -self care...