Thursday November 7, 2015 and last night's workout

Last night was baaaack night.  I love training back. I love training. Getting fit has not only been a lifelong ambition (we all should have this ambition) but I have always wanted to become a builder of muscle (tant ta-da!) a b.o.d.y.b.u.i.l.d.e.r. Finally at 48, soon to be 49 this December, I am fulfilling this lifelong goal.  But I am pursuing hardcore because, well, I literally have the time to pursue it hardcore, but also mainly because working out has saved me from a deep depression that I was in. 

For the last 6 years, I concentrated on getting my AA degree with an emphasis on taking prerequisites to help me get into nursing school (another old desire of mine).  I busted my behind taking every class I could and it was extremely hard because I had not been in school for years. My brain was on overload and like "what?".  I also battled thyroid issues which would often cause me fatigue and what I later attributed to all the brain fog I was experiencing from time to time.  After 27 years, I finally pursued nursing.  After speedily getting my AA degree on top of all the prerequsities and volunteering in order to look good on paper to get into nursing school, I got into nursing school and I got in right away praise God, in the fall of 2012 (I graduated with my AA in Spring 2012 with Honors, but getting into nursing school only 2 months later at the BSN level was a miracle).  

Then as of last March 2015, 8 weeks from graduating with my BSN, I was kicked out of nursing school due to a subjective decision on my instructors part during one of my clinical rotations. No one was hurt, there was no medication error, no breach of confidentiality, it basically was a "he said, she said" situation and more of a teaching moment if anything, not a reason to be kicked out of nursing school.  But, my instructor just pulled the rug from underneath me and called it quits for me. I was stunned.  Devastated. I went into a deep depression because I did not have a plan B.  Nursing school is no joke.  Unless you are/have been a nursing student, you cannot truly comprehend what nursing school is like.  As a student you have lives at stake, in addition you have teachers that can make or break your spirit, and they often do.  There is favoritism, coercion, disorganization, politics, etc.  I worked my behind off for the last 6 years.   I have all the educatiion of a BSN, the student debt to show for it, but no degree.  In June 2015, I started to go to the gym, A LOT, and it has been one of the main outlets for my depression and it has been a lifesaver.  As far as nursing goes, I still don't know how I feel about it for MANY reasons I cannot go into.  If anyone has any suggestions/advice, I welcome it.

Needless to say, working out raises my endorphins.  I still have my sad moments, but they are getting further and further apart because of a combination of my faith in God and working out; both have raised my confidence and spirit.  I see the progress and I know it is because of my discipline and effort that is getting me there.  I have control of what I put into my mouth - do I want to put junk in my mouth and feel like junk afterward? Or do I want to put healthy food in my mouth which is actually fuel that every cell in my body needs to function optimally? I say the latter.  And that is how I look at food now: it is fuel.  I eat so plain, it isn't even funny! I have my mostly organic proteins, good fats, and good carbs, multivitamins, fish oils, extra B12, and enzymes/probiotics. That is it! Oh, and I have my BCAAs that I drink throughout the day haha.  I have also recently learned that I have Hashimoto's disease, which is an autoimmune disease and I MUST stay away from gluten.  Two months ago, I was feeling worn out, even though I'd get 8 or more hours of sleep, I felt irritable, I seriously felt like I always had an elephant dart to the face. I finally got some bloodwork done and went to my endocrinologist.  She said that the stress of getting kicked out of nursing school most likely put my body over the edge and kicked it into having Hashimoto's disease.  Wow. Stress folks, can manifest itself in so many ailments to our bodies.  I know I even have a form of PTSD from the madness I've experienced. 

Getting physically fit is something I HAVE CONTROL OF.  No one, except God and myself, can take away the work I put into my physique.  I have always wanted to build muscle ever since the days of the one and only amazing and beautiful Rachel McLish. Ahhhh. Does anyone remember her? I always wanted her physique. I do not know if I'll ever attain her gains at my age, but I'm going to try. Today, I love so many of the women in the bodybuilding scene i.e. (in no particular order) Amanda (Latona) Kuclo, Ashley Kaltwasser, Erin Stern, Jamie Eason-Middleton, Jessie Hilgenberg and of the one and only Dana Linn Bailey.  I've been following these women for years now.  More recently I've begun to admire and follow these amazing women: Ashley Horner, Jessica Arevalo, Heidi Somers, and Katy Hearn, to name a few. I actually love finding bodybuilding women who have children and the stretchmarked tummies to show for it, because I have the "tiger stripes" and I always hated them.  Now, I'm learning that I can have an amazing physique despite the stretchmarks on my tummy (that is how I discovered Ashley Horner, she has stretchmarks on her tummy but it pales in comparison to her overall physique).  The list of women will grow as I continue to find more and more fitspos! I mostly love these ladies because of their hearts and personalities, but their physiques are amazeballs! 

Well, here was my back workout last night November 5, 2015.  I weighed in this morning at 125.6 lbs.