I gained almost 3 lbs overnight. Let me take you a walkthrough of my day yesterday, please tell me what you see that may have caused this LARGE number increase.
1. I woke up late, didn't have time to make my regular breakfast so ate 2 eggs [160 cals]
2. i call to make an appt to pick up my wedding dress and they inform me they clsoe before i get out of work. so now i have to spend all damn day in the tightest spanx known to mankind
3. I get en email during class that I am being pulled from all my classes AND MY JOB (since I am a student worker) because my grad plus loans were never accepted by the school (apparently they can't give me loans for my mandatory electives because they gave me x amount of money towards a scholarship for classes and can't give me anymore). As a result I'm so stressed out I don't eat for another 8 hours.
4. After my 10 hour day- I spend 3 hours listening to a friend's problems. I order myself an avocado bubble tea and do not look up the nutrition facts before i consume it bc I don't want to look rude [whopping 350 cals]
5. I rush to drop my friend off and pick up my fiance from work. I sit in the car, freezing, for 45 minutes and almost pass out from having trouble breathing due to my spanx (ok so it's more like a waist trainer that is 3 sizes too small)
6. After picking him up I rush to get a gift from the amazon locker and the locker has locked the gift for a friend inside. this is a huge very improtant time specific gift and ruins my whole night that I have to now re-order it
7. I get home FINALLY by about 10:30, exhausted. I make myself dinner- half a head of lettuce, a CUP (ik that's a lot) of pinto beans, hot sauce for dressing, and one whole tomato [300 cals; daily total of 810 calories]
8. As soon as I get off the spanx I have red marks all over my body and have trouble sitting down and my organs feel llike theyre failing so I'm laying on the floor crying, and getting a lecture from my fiance. Simultaneously, I am bombarded with fb messages from 2 depressed individuals- so I'm responding to someone elses' problems again while I'm getting yelled at- who have not asked me, as a friend, how i am in years
9. 11:30pm rolls around and my fiance wants to have sex. The entire time I'm thinking of everything I have to do before my 9am class tomorrow and can't focus. An hour later- I am exhausted and he is frustrated and gives up and we fight... again.
10. I shower and I'm in bed by 1:20am. I know I am only getting 5.5 hours of sleep and then ruminate about how the bridal shop is going to judge me tomorrow- the clothes i'll be wearing, my weight, the bags under my eyes... and then I fall asleep sometime before 3 am
i consumed no liquids besides the avocado tea. none. no coffee, not a sip of water. i was thirsty all day but never had a break to grab any (i guess i couldve boughten some while out with my friend but paying for water always seemed insane to me).
so here I am sleep deprived at 7am and step on the scale to see a 3lb weight gain and I drive myself to tears, can't bring myself to eat breakfast, and put on red lipstick to pretend I have confidence. Of course I would gain 3 lbs after undereating for an entire day. OF COURSE I would gain 3 lbs the morning of my dress fitting. OF COURSE OF COURSE! I am about ready to throw in the towel and am so overwhelmed with the pile of work I was just handed that I can't even start, and that's why I'm writing this blog.
Someone throw me a bone here. I need to take time off work before i lose any more hair, all my friends have scaled back on their hours- but they have parents who are paying their rent. I don't have the luxury of just focusing on my doctorate. I'm always the one doing everything in every relationship and I'm just worn out and want to run away.
Let's hope this dress fitting goes well tonight and I am re-motivated for this journey into weight loss, marriage, and staying on track with all the bullshit I have to take.