I have steadily been gaining weight and I know why. I haven't been drinking enough water, I've been drinking beer, and I've been eating less than 100 g of protein per day and less than 1,200 calories per day. But life is extremely chaotic right now.
My plan is to blitz through Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Come Monday I can weigh in and be ON MY GAME again (I am still going to attempt to push myself to drink water and eat protein Fr-Sun). Here are all the issues I am dealing with.
1. My university's financial aid department AND student services (my old wicked job) has collapsed. It is official. The student president sent out a huge apology saying he has "failed us". Meaning our applications to Advanced Practicums and other pracs are fucked if they ask for an official transcript.
FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS I have been working my ass off, proving myself worthy of working at the notorious Saint Elizabeths Adult Forensic unit. I would be a training psychologist who has clients like JOHN FUCKING HINCKLEY and I would be doing psychological evaluations on those for Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity and Competency to Stand Trial. ME! That is MY dream! Every other student who has been placed there has complained about the workload, complained they didn't know what they were doing, and so on. I'm not like the rest. I just want a chance to fucking apply. Well, on Wednesday my university chose 3 sites for me to apply to this year. The past two years I have been given sites 1+ hour away, and only neuropsych sites (I don't WANT to do that and they are IMPOSSIBLE to get into if you're not NEURO! DUH!), and community mental health (been there- done that! Give me something else!) THis year I was awarded THREE AMAZING INPATIENT FACILITIES! My jaw dropped and I peed a little (not joking). I was awarded Saint Elizabeths, NORTHERN VIRGINIA MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE, and Spring Grove!!! All dream jobs of mine. I would sincerely give pints of blood and cut off a finger or two for the chance to work at any of these facilities.
HOWEVER- Saint Elizabeths application is due February 3rd (thanks for giving me 6 days notice!). I told my current and past supervisor I need a LOR within 6 days- and they had them sent out within 6 hours (AMAZING I KNOW!). One of them told me some of the things he wrote in my letter and I started crying because I believed I finally had a chance- I am finally going to be working with the population I have always wanted to work with since I was a little girl. Then, I ordered an official transcript to be sent to Saint Es- yet I got an email that said "there is a hold on your account so no transcripts will be sent until you pay the available $7,000 balance" which I do not have, which should have been covered when I applied for FAFSA in November. So now I am debating on sending them my unofficial transcript- with a short explanation that our financial department is short staffed and the hold on my account is a fluke that will be handled asap (I really don't know when). So if I don't get an interview there it really is against my own damn will. Maybe I will still apply to their internship. But I am just going to be so disappointed since my transcript shows all of my amazing grades and scholarship. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.
p.s. I just had to leave my blog for 2 hours for a meeting with our university president since he was flagged about this problem and is doing his best to make sure the hold on my account is lifted and I get to apply to each site fairly.
2. My neighbor has entered into a whole new level of crazy and is now playing love songs into my window and hollering my name out front.
3. We found an apartment we fell in love with AND WE WERE APPROVED to move in march. Now it is time to crunch for money since we may have to be paying 2 rents at once, and we have to cancel our current internet- get fined for that- and then install Comcast at the new apartment. All within 5 weeks.
4. My period is officially 3 days late. I am super bloated since I have been eating a lot of salads with pinto beans as the protein, but I also think I am so stressed out that my body isn't functioning right. I haven't taken a pregnancy test since Sunday- but that was negative. I don't feel pregnant so I am not scared, I really just think my body is in some serious termoil.
5. I have 5 days to fill out applications for all three of these sites, write 3 essays, write 3 letters of interest, update my CV, and send a case conceptualization, treatment plan, and an integrated report.
6. ALSO on Sunday my CRP edits (dissertation) are due and I have been SWAMPED at work and know I will be pulling all nighters from now until Sunday
7. Sunday I have to volunteer ALL DAY for the Eating Disorder clinic so that leaves even less time for all the above.
8. Saturday night I promised friends I would go out for one of their birthdays. I will be strung out and miserable but I can't keep being antisocial because my academics keep getting the best of me.
9. My hair has started falling out again. I talked to one of the 4th years who was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism- and when she told me her situation and I told her mine she begged me to call my doctor and ask about my thyroid levels since last year they said i was "WNL (within normal limits). However, according to her (and a lit search) most physicians and nurses are screening ppl for old norms that are based on levels that are irregular for someone 50+ years old, and if you do not catch hypothyroidism early enough you can end up obese, with sleep apnea, and bald. Ugh. So now I have to call my doctor but I am putting it off because I am scared.
I am hoping everything pulls through and I survive this next week and my weight doesn't continue to bump up on the scale- and I finally get my period to ensure me I am not pregnant.