Posting my weigh in photo this morning brought on a lot of emotions. Questions like "How did I get here?" "Why am I hurting myself in this way?" "What is broken inside of me that I would neglect myself to this extent?"
I have three children, two of which are girls entering into their preteen years. I almost hate myself for the role model I have become, relishing in instant gratification, repeat failed attempts at loving myself. All right in front of their watchful, inquisitive eyes.
I have struggled with showing them the balance between loving yourself for who you are and also having the desire to be physically attractive. All along I have been missguided. These two things aren't not mutual exclusive, they are the same. You can't have one without the other. Loving yourself and having a positive body image doesn't mean that you do not take care of yourself, it doesn't mean you do not strive for health. Once you have acheived physical health and self love, you can't be anything but attractive. Both inside and out.
This is a long journey for me, starting today. I have words and thoughts as to WHY I am making a change but I still have so much soul searching to do to figure out the HOW I got here, the WHY I have allowed myself to stop self care.
I hope you will join me here as I ramble throughout the next few months (I'm doing two challenges, one of which is a Transformer- 6 months long), sharing my struggles, revalations, triumphs, and musings.
Until next time,
Kristy