My life for the past 5 years has been a whirlwind of changes. Most of them for the good and a few that weren't so great.
In 2012 I was injured at work. I guess I had it coming since I worked a very body strenuous job in a wire plant. Most women would say that what I did was a man’s job anyway but, I’ve never been a girly girl so I loved my job. Since I worked overnight in a warehouse we didn't have as many people on our shift as the daytime crew did so when I did need help it was scarce. This resulted in my injury. I ended up having to have rotator cuff surgery and a disc fusion in my neck! When I get hurt it's not going to be fixed with a simple Band-Aid! This is what started my weight gain. Before this I was going to the gym before and after my 12 hour shifts and I was in the best shape of my life. I think I was weighing in at 170 and loving every minute of it! Fast forward a few months and my then boyfriend and I moved in together. We were both still somewhat active and would go hiking, bike riding, kayaking and pretty much anything that involved us that me and my boyfriend were living together and eating together it was fun to make huge meals to impress him and his friends but the lack of activity started to kick in and the pounds started to add up! I could see that he was getting bigger and so was I. We decided to join a gym.......yay we'll get fit again!
Fast forward a month or so and in July of 2013 we got engaged!! I was so excited and happy that I was going to marry my best friend! Well one week later (SERIOUSLY 1 WEEK) we find out that we are expecting!! OMG....A BABY!!! I wasn't too scared since I already had a 10-year-old but my fiancé was terrified! Fast forward again to March 2014 when my sweet little bundle of joy arrived and I hit the scale at 215!!! My body was in so much pain from gaining so much weight in just 9 months. Not only did I gain weight but my fiancé gained too. He called it sympathy weight!! I called it "you’re eating for 2 so I'm eating for all of us" weight! Now here's where it hit me that I was out of control! I was getting married in July and I had to fit into the dress that I bought when I was 7 months pregnant! It was only by a prayer that it fit to because I sure as hell wasn't doing anything to make it fit. Having a new born in the house that didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time was not helping my eating habits. I thought that by breastfeeding him I’d drop some killer weight! HA HA HA that was just a joke because all breastfeeding did was make me super hungry ALL THE TIME!!
WEDDING DAY: Thank God, the dress fit! We were running on no sleep and a prayer but the wedding went off without a hitch! I had been under so much stress that I hadn’t realized that I had actually gained weight. I was now at 220 and again my body was not happy with me but I tried not to notice since I was now a full-time mother and wife.
Fast forward to September 2014 and it seemed that everything was perfect. We were so happy without little family and we were about to move into our first house together when I received the worst phone call of my life!! My younger sister (33) had passed away in her sleep!! My whole world was torn apart in that moment! I had just seen her for an entire month before my wedding and she was getting her life together too! I can’t even begin to explain what that did to me. I had to leave my baby and my husband 3 days before we were moving to drive to Houston, TX to bring her home with me. She didn’t have any children or insurance so everything was left up to me. With both grandparents and parents gone as well I had to plan, pay, and carry out her funeral. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I think I packed on about 20 more pounds from all the stress and emotional eating I did. I still haven’t fully recovered from this but as time passes it gets a little more tolerable.
Now that we were moved things got a little better. My husband was studying for the CPA exam and I was still out on worker’s comp! Our little angel was growing every day and we were so happy. A year had passed and we decided we were going to buy our first home together! We were so excited and ready for something permanent. All the excitement from looking at houses started to turn into frustration because I just wasn’t seeing anything I wanted to grow old in. Finally, in August of 2015 we found the house that was exactly what I was looking for. Granted we were out in the country and about 45 min from my husband’s job, but it was perfect! Six acres of land with a house 4 car garage and woods along with a long driveway that was lined with Bradford pears…I was in heaven! We couldn’t wait to move in. In October, we moved in and started to make this house a home but all the renovations had to be placed on hold…WE’RE EXPECTING AGAIN!!! This came as a surprise to us because we weren’t exactly planning for another baby but we weren’t not planning. So, the next 9 months were crazy. I had the worst morning sickness which left me feeling super hungry the rest of the day! I also had a toddler who was super spoiled at being the baby and took advantage of mommy being sick all the time. He knew that if he nagged me enough I’d give him pretty much whatever he wanted! By the time, I was at 39 weeks I was tipping the scale at 279 and feeling every single pound of it. My Doctor decided to put me into labor at this point so that me and the baby could have some relief.
Now my son is 5 months old and so far, I have only been able to keep 9 pounds of my delivery weight off! I am miserable and so is my body. Being 38, overweight and the mom of 2 small boys is so draining. My oldest son who is almost 13 told me not to long ago that he wished I didn’t hurt all the time because he can remember when I use to be fun. That hurt, bad. My husband has told me time and time again that he still thinks I’m beautiful no matter what I think but for anyone who has ever struggled with their weight you know it doesn’t matter what others say, it’s all about how you see yourself and right now I can’t even stand to look in the mirror. I’ve tried everything imaginable on the market except weight loss surgery which is my last and final option if I can ‘t get the weight off the old-fashioned way. I want to be happy with myself the way I was when my husband and I first started dating! I had energy for days and loved doing anything active. I want to be alive again for my two little ones so that they never get this way. I want to feel great again and enjoy life the way I use to. My BIGGEST promise to myself is that I am not going to let myself down again and no matter what I’m going to make this year my transformation year!!