I always struggled with my weight, I grew up heavy and was called names throughout all of elementry school. Shamoo, jelly donut, fatty were all terms that I was used to but even though I was used to them they still hurt. Even as miserable as I felt I still didn't do anything to change it. I would go home and cry to my mom who would console me and tell me I was beautiful and not fat but the kids at school told me otherwise.
Around 7th grade I was really sick and for some reason couldn't hold food down in the morning. I would throw up from trying to drink water let alone eat which would traumatize me for the day into not eating. (The Dr's said I was Bulemic but I was not trying to make myself throw up it just happened) I went from a size 20 to a size 10 in under 6 months. The Dr gave me a script for an anti nausea medication to help, as I took it I started to eat again and weight was gained again. I went from a size 10 to a 14 but was still content with the fact that I wasn't a size 20 anymore. During 8th grade the kids that used to make fun of me did something that even I didn't know would effect me.... they apologized and told me how awesome of a person I was and that they were wrong for being so mean while we were growing up.. I cried a little even though I didn't want to and accepted.
Highschool was pretty much the same, I tried the fad diets, I tried diet pills, I didn't try watching what I ate or attempt exercise until senior year. Spring break was coming up which meant everyone in the school was going to see me in a bikini, I had to do something. I joined a gym started watching what I ate and went from a 14 to a 9. Wahoo for me I was satisfied I was 150lbs and perfectly fine with it because it was much smaller than I had ever been.
After I graduated highschool my weight skyrocketed when I was 19 I met my bestfriend who at the time was 3 months pregnant. I hadn't thought much about my weight, I just didn't care. Finally my bestfriend is 9 months pregnant and tells me shes humiliated at how much she weighs (which was still less than me at 182) and it struck a cord.
I used medical weight loss to start my journey as they promise to help you lose 20lbs in a month I was wiling to pay. I paid close to $500 to be told what to eat and how much of it, go in for weekly weigh ins and b12 booster shots. I stopped after 3 months but after 3 months I was a slim 130lbs. I felt better, looked better and was more confident than ever. Being a girl who never really dated much throughout highschool like normal girls it was new and exciting to have guys lined up and hitting on me, buying me drinks and going out of their way to talk to me... the girl who was called Shamoo 10 years earlier.
I started dating my super hot body building boyfriend that I met at the gym and had decided to flirt a little. This was one of the first times I initiated an encounter, it was the first time I had the confidence. We hit it off and have not been seperated since our first date. Dating a body builder for an ex fatty like myself.....was not a good thing. Unfortunatly dating a body builder meant feeding a body builder and in turn I would be eating like a bodybuilder without the amount of exercise body builders do. So here we go again with the weight gain. I managed to keep it under control between 130-140 for most of our years but a couple times I slipped up at topped back out at 165lbs and then lost it again to 145lbs. 145lbs became 137lbs and all felt right in the world again. 5 years later we have both decided we hit a "comfortable phase" with eachother and have both gained weight. We both weigh the most we have since we started dating and have now both decided to lose it together.
I remember when I first started dieting I kept telling myself.. "If I could get to 150lbs I would be happy" then when that point was reached "If I could get to 140lbs I would be happy" Even when I hit 123lbs my all time low I wanted to weigh less. Why? I was healthy weight wise, looked good, could shop in the boys section at Macy's... why do I still want to lose weight? Is it the air brushed celebrities on every cover? My own sense of dissatisfaction at not being a rail? My own worst enemy.
Now I am back at 153lb almost where I started... this wasn't put on at once it has happened gradually over years from the time I was 21-25 I weighed between 125-135. Around 26 I held at 135-140, whenever I hit 140 it was my sign to start diet and exercise but then I stopped. Then at some point 140 didn't mean I had to stop eating and start exercising and over the last few months I am back to 152.6lbs. (guess 140lbs did mean I needed to put myself in check)
I am 28 years old and it has been a 9 year rollercoaster of weight loss and gain due to my own lack of discipline. I know what and how much to eat, I know how to exercise properly, I know diet pills don't work. So here we go on my last ride because this time it isn't for me to diet to lose weight, it is for a new lifestyle where eating properly is normal and not a diet and exercise is a daily part of my life and not a chore. I don't care about the weight half as much as I care about not wanting heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes.. etc. I am 28 and this is when I start rocking out to make sure that when I'm 38 I still look like I'm 28 and hopefully my body still thinks its 28 as well.