I have always believed that if you think you can, you will. Your mental strength and endurance is key in success. You have to want something, want it for yourself, and set your mind to it.
I still believe this, but this has sometimes brought me to the point where I am a perfectionist. I am sure this is a common story, many people are. In a lot of ways it is a good quality to have. However, for me it has been a strength and a weakness. The strength is I can be very motivated and accomplish my goals and do it well. The weakness is I create a battle in my head and bite off more than I can chew. That is my recent story lately.
I have been out of college for about 2.5 years and working at an incredible job for 2 years. I am a research chemist. I got my undergraduate degree in Forensic Chemistry. Recently, I decided to go after a different goal of mine. I now am working full time and pursuing my Ph.D in Analytical Chemistry. Prior to starting this new graudate journey, I had completed Insanity and T25. Both amazing feelings. I had great results and was in better shape than I was when I was playing college tennis. I was feeling great, feeling as though I looked great, had a ton of energy, and just really happy with life. Fast forward to the present. I juggled moving, school, work, and trying to maintain a level of performance that was draining me. I burned out. So I took time off of working out. I told myself when I finished moving that would free up some time, I can still do this. The move took a little over a month, and as time went on my classes and schedule got harder.
Now I am battling myself. I have lost much of the results I saw before in completeing two tough programs. I have very little energy. After work and class, I can't seem to push myself to do that work out that I know would make me feel better. There is a war going on in my head saying you should be able to handle all this, you just need to focus. You know the facts, but you're slipping. In my head, I am letting myself down. I don't really feel like myself.
This mentality is dangerous. It has happened before in other instances and it is creeping back in. There is a difference between doing it all and doing your best and I forget that. I am trying to manage a schedule that is tough, but I am going after dreams I have had for a long time. It is not meant to be easy or everyone would run out and get their Ph.D, look super toned, excel through their career, and be a good partner, friend, daughter, sister, etc. I always thought I was good at prioritizing but I realized I tend to just make everything number 1 and I burn out. You can't do everything and sometimes you need help. I can do my best though and now I have help.
My goals are to get back on track, to feel like myself again, feel proud, and to get more energy.
I am so excited to have this new game and motivation and to see other people doing the same thing. Everyone has a story and stresses, that doesn't make me different. But now I can work on getting healthy physically and mentally with a fun group.
Here's to doing your best!