So every year we get our family photos done around Christmas. Last year I was once again working to get healthier and had lost about 20 pounds. I remember talking to a sympathetic photographer about my weight loss and how by this time next year I hope to have dropped roughly another 80 pounds. Well here I am a year later and I am at the same weight. The sad part is I have been working to lose 50 pounds. So not only am I at the same weight as I was at this time last year, I had to drop a whole bunch more just to get to this point! Don't get me wrong I am really proud of the work I've put in to get to this weight and feel great, I just also feel frustrated that I allowed myself to get as big as I did. Sometimes I have these moments where I think "Oh my god what if I just wake up one morning and suddenly start back on my old bad habits? What if I get pissed off because I am sick of battling this weight and just get depressed and start eating the way I used to?" Sometimes I just feel so scared that I'm going to sabotage myself yet again. That im going to put on my blinders and eat myself into oblivion. But then I remember something my mother said to me several months ago. She and I were watching my little one play on the playground and she said to me "You know you are her whole world. If anything were to happen to you, she would be lost. You really have to get healthy." And of course I placated her like I always do and brushed it off....but her words kept coming back to me. So here I am, 50 pounds lighter with another 88 to go. I know losing this weight is going to be a lot of hard work and a lifetime commitment. I know there will be some ups and downs but I will stay on the right path. Because I do need to do this not only for my daughter and others I love, but also for myself.