I am back!!! I've had some life changes lately and have slacked off on my weight loss. Recently I have become a letter carrier for the USPS. Really quite an awful job but pays good money. I walk at least 10 to 15 miles a day. Last Thursday when I taught zumba I did 20 miles!!! You'd think with all this activity I would be dropping the weight like nothing. Well not so much. I rewarded myself for months on the thought that hey I'm doing all this work of course I should be able to eat whatever I want...right? Wrong, very wrong. I didnt gain but didn't lose. One day it hit me...why am I wasting all this exercise?! I should be taking advantage that my job can get me into good shape. So lately I've been watching what I eat and have started dropping tons of weig
On another note this job has also warn me down mentally. It's so hard on your body and they push you for times. There are days I walk into the door after work and immediately start crying. I'm exhausted, stressed, and feel like my body is 100 years old. I had to stop and think about it. I started listening to joel osteen. Hes a preacher. I am not religious at all but I needed something to help me, to guide me into a better mind set. I found it through him. He really makes you think about life. One program asked what I am's are you using in life. He said most people use things like I am... lazy, tired, ugly, fat, useless, broke, stressed, etc. I thought to myself yes I do that all the time. All of my I am's are negative. I never had used any positive ones on a daily basis. So I changed that. I changed them into I am...worth it, beautiful, strong, happy, blessed. And it started to work. As soon as my mind starts slipping into that negative state I change it. We have enough people in the world that judge and critize us. We need to be the one person we can count on to always have our own backs.
Another thing that has changed is I barely get to see my child. He's about to be 2 and I don't get to be the full time parents anymore. I had to work 13 days in a row this past 2 weeks. I miss him and it makes me feel like a bad parent. Never being there and then when I'm home I hurt too much to go and chase him around. I keep telling myself things will get easier and of course I have to provide for him and with this job I can finally do that.
All I want out of life is just to be truly happy and be able to wake up in the mornings with a smile on my face. I will no longer pay for past sins but will look to the future to be brighter and better. I guess you just gotta keep on keepin on as they say and cherish the smallest things because they mean the most.
Now to go tuck my munchkin into bed :)