How many times have I decided that *this* time was the time that I was going to be dedicated to getting healthier and losing weight? I've lost count by now because of how many times since middle school I've told myself that I would be getting "skinny" by the next school year, or by making it my new years resolution. And then there's all of those times that I've started Couch 2 5K, or a Tone It Up bikini program, or another fad diet/workout trend.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of only being motivated for .2 seconds and then losing motivation before I've even fully committed. I'm done with it. I'm done making empty promises to myself and letting myself get more and more unhealthy.
Every time I put these restrictions or expectations on myself, something inside me craves the "bad" things even more. Whenever I make a healthy meal, that I actually like and enjoy eating, something in me wants to go get a Coke and french fries from McDonalds. I don't know what it is, but when I tell myself that I *have* to workout in the morning, or beat myself up because I was so tired and only ran for half the distance or time that I was supposed to, I fall out of a healthy routine faster than the time it took to decide that I needed that routine.
Today I'm making this promise to myself, and to anyone who's reading this, that I'm not "trying" to get skinny anymore. I'm not going to force myself to workout crazy amounts, or control how I eat to such an extent that I fall off even before I've even commited.
Today I'm just going to do life. I'm going to eat things the things that I like, but in moderation. I'm going to workout regularly, but not beat myself up if I need some extra sleep in the morning, or something comes up.
My goal is that I will lose weight and I will get healthier, but not while making myself crave the things that I "can't" have. If I really want those fries, I'll get some. But, instead of forcing myself not to until I can't stand it anymore, I'll go get a kids size, or split some with someone. And instead of keeping a rigorous schedule of running 3-4 days a week and then trying to cross train the other days, I'll let my body tell me what it needs. If I need a rest day, I'm going to take one, or just go on a leisurely walk with my dog.
And maybe I won't even stick to this. Maybe in a few months I'll come back and read this and laugh to myself when I realize I couldn't even stick to something like this. Oh well. That's life. Things happen that you can't control, and sometimes even the things you can control don't turn out like you wanted.
I guess this is goodbye for now. Let me know if you read this, because I'm really interested to see if anyone else reads these.