Bipolar Disorder. I once had someone tell me...Before I told them I had this disorder; that they would never wish it upon anyone or themself. This person was fearful of the drastic mood swings. Little did that someone know, special to my heart this person is...Is that I indeed have that "drastic mood swing" disorder.
I have been battling depression since a young age. I worked hard at fighting it and then out of nowhere my mood would become elevated. Much more elevated like I had never known what depression felt like. I was on a high. I eventually got worse-not that feeling like I'm on cloud 9 sounds bad but hey it's all part of the swings-My symptoms developed into those drastic scary mood swings, the manic feelings of elevation of the world, and suicidal ideation.
I have been fighting this disorder since I was 17 years old. I am coming out of it better than ever...SURPRISE...With excersise-And well yes, the use of medication as well.
I used to run 10km runs and that feeling of the wind against my face, the heavy breathing then finally ACHIEVING MY PERSONAL BEST TIME AFTER TIME, felt absolutely amazing. I'd love to get to this point again in my life.
I am looking to become this girl, the one I used to be. Fighting my disorder, with not just medication. But with excersise, but an overall healthier lifestyle including eating healthier.
3 Weeks ago, I began walking. Walking a little bit everyday. This has helped me when I am feeling angry, feeling down, or happy! Walking MAKES me happy! I've even started running a little bit-But OH MAN...All this extra weight is weighing me down and it is a HELL of a lot harder than I remember.
I know I am capable,
I am strong.
I am fierce.
I can battle the depressive days,
I can battle the manic days,
I can fight to become the person I want to be again.
To my mind and body: Here is to a new chapter of our life. To my medication: To a time to battle the weight gain from medications. To the fight for my life back: Work hard and it is okay to not have a great day everyday...Keep reminding yourself of that. To my mind: Persevere every damn day, win this battle. To my asthma: To a new time to help you when you are struggling to breathe.
To a chapter of hard work, perseverance and best of all; To the mind I want back.