I am reclaiming my life this year.
I am a giver at work and at home. I am a mom of two(2 and 8), a wife, a sister, and a daughter who works with her mom. I am connected and responsible for everyone at any given time of the day, except to me. I do what others need and try to make others happy. This is my nature and the nature of my profession. I am a mental health therapist. So, literally, every second of my day is giving to others from the time I wake my girls up, as soon as I walk in the door at work, to the moment I walk in the door at home. If someone needs something, I will drop what I am doing to assist. If I'm on the way to the gym and my brother locked his keys out of the car, no worries, the gym can wait because family comes first. If a client can only be seen at 8 PM, no problem because we need the money and they need the therapy, but what do I need?
Honestly, I am ready to be selfish because of prioritizing others first, my health has deteriorated. I am sleep deprived, stressed, and have poor lifestyle habits. I let other people dictate how I live my life. This is not their fault. This is my fault because I don't say no or set boundaries. Frankly, I hate the fight. I have learned however that there is less fight when I do instead of asking. So, I did not ask my husband how he feels about my signing up for DietBet or spending the money. I didn't give him the opportunity to talk me out of it. He will appreciate it later when he sees the results. I am the best judge of what I need and I know best what motivates me.
I practiced putting my needs first when I said no yesterday. My mom told me we were coming over for New Years dinner. She didn't ask. I didn't go and I got a guilt trip. She feels like a fool she says because I declined dinner. I needed to rest. I do feel a little guilty, but I also feel empowered. My family is going to have some adjusting to do, so this will be interesting. I will need support in saying no and being reminded that I don't have to feel guilty when I put myself first if putting myself first means I am bettering myself, therefore bettering my children.
I noticed that my daughter is mimicking my lifestyle habits. I want her to make the right decisions but she doesn't see me making the right health decisions. I always tell her in regards to her younger sister, "Monkey see. Monkey do. This little monkey wans to be just like you." Perhaps I should write that on my bathroom mirror.
It is time to live by example for my children, the rest of my family, and my clients. People can either jump on board or jump off the train because this train just picked up some momentum. (My youngest loves trains).
I appreciate any support you can send my way. I know this blog is the internal blog of millions of women and moms, so I hope I can help support others as well.