Ever since I can remember I've struggled with my weight. I was obese as a child. I only ever remember being a "little" overweight once and even then I had body dysmorphia and thought I was huge! I've never had a good relationship with my body and food. It has been a huge struggle for me over the years. About 2 years ago I was the heaviest I've ever been and resorted to extreme means to lose weight. I acted like I was proud and like I had worked hard but it was a lie - I hadn't worked hard. At all. I took a "shortcut", if you will. Over the past few months my weight has started to creep up again. I'm so sick and tired of wanting something so badly and never getting it. I do well for so long and then I fall off the wagon. It's never usually temptation either ... It all begins with a lack of belief in myself. I'm currently undergoing cognitive behavioural therapy and my therapist has suggested keeping a diary and everyday writing something positive about myself in it. I stop myself from achieving my goals and my dreams because there's a part of me that doesn't believe I deserve to achieve them. I'm also not very good to myself... The things I do for myself or to relax I usually end up engaging in something detrimental to my health and wellbeing.
Losing weight, getting fit, eating healthy and achieving my dream weight is a massive mental struggle for me - as I'm sure it is for many others. I feel almost like I'm trying to shake off an addiction!
So im starting this journey determined but also prepared... Prepared for my own mind and the lies it tells me like how "losing weight is for other people" and "I was always meant to be fat" ... Not this time. I refuse to believe these things. I'll keep a diary daily to remind me of how I deserve to lose weight and be healthy and therefore lose weight and build confidence.
I'm determined to fight for this. I'm determined to prove everyone who ever called me fat wrong .... And also prove myself wrong. The biggest person holding me back is me!
Good luck everyone!