I love to eat. I do. Before I continue, maybe I should say that I'm currently having a mental breakdown, getting overwhelmed by so many instances in my life, which have been outside my control over the years. There are a great many serious and painful things. The more I process, the less I know. What has always been consistent is food. That's already a lethal notion right there.

I have spent the last 2-3 weeks watching all episodes of "True Blood." And, as cool as the show is, it's left me even more confused about love and relationships. I know... It's not a basis for anything, much less relationships. During the progression of the show, Sookie, the main character, falls in love with Bill, Eric, Alcide and finally marries some guy nobody knows. How is that possible? I know people like that. People who are "in love" with 3 or 4 individuals throughout their lifetime. If love is so hard to find, how is it possible to be "in love" so frequently? Which one is true? Which one is long lasting, "till death due us part," you know? I want to love and love wholeheartedly, but i'm not sure how. I kind of like being an island. I know we weren't built for that type of livelihood and so, i'm working on this aspect of my personality. Still, I like it. Still, I am afraid. I am afraid of so many things. And food, makes it so much better. I wasn't feeling like my best during the past couple of days and I indulged in pizza. Boy, it was delicious! More to the point, it made me feel better about myself. I know, I am adding to the layers of crazy and unstable, but we're all here at some point. Just bear with me... It's like the good is bad and the bad is good. I am confused about with those two relationships- food and people. It's nice to hide behind the food to not face myself or people. When I make an effort to quit hiding and face people, food loses its power for a bit. But, it feels so odd. This behavior is unnatural in me. I need it to become natural, but I don't necessarily want it to become natural. How do I work through all of this? 

Thank you for letting me vent.