Lose weight the fun way.

Posted on November 12, 2015

Day 66 - Knocked off my pedestal...

So we had swag (company jackets) show up at work today & we had to line up to try on our jackets in front of the entire company...

Well folks, I had a full blown panic attack...I couldn't muster up enough confidence to stand in line with 50 other of my co-workers & try on jackets of different sizes...I keep thinking in my head...what if the largest size doesn't fit me - then everyone would know & I would be humiliated.

I made an excuse & left…headed back to my desk to call my husband & cry to him…rather sob to him…

GD!!! - I thought I had this fear conquered...I was NOT letting my mind beat me this time around. I guess I'm not as far along as I thought – I’ve been knocked off my high & righteous pedestal...which is a good thing because it will/should only drive me forward so I can spare myself the humiliation the next time...wishful thinking, right?

A part of me got really angry as well for no good reason other than at myself because I have been working so bloody hard & I am down a full size in clothing but I guess when you start off at a really, really BIG size losing a size is small potatoes & really isn’t as big of a deal as I was tricking myself into thinking...My mind 1, Jody 0…I know, I know Rome wasn’t built in a day…it took you this long to “pack” it on, it won’t come off in quickly…I get it…It still doesn’t help my confidence much…and some of you reading this will have never had this feeling before & for you I am so glad. It is truly one of the worst ways to feel…retched!

All my pride went out the window...then an extremely petit gal in the office was going on & on about how her XS coat was saggy in some areas...this shouldn't have bothered me because people are people & we all come in different shapes & sizes but I just wanted to say to her...Oh, to bitch about cloths being too big at a size XS - what problems you have or oh, I wish I could only bitch about such things...totally not her fault & I know this…so wrong of me to be mad but again, mad at myself not her…

For once, I'd just like to be the "normal" girl that doesn't have to cry about her weight...that doesn't feel embarrassed about who she is or how she looks or how others see her...JUST ONCE...

Thanks for the ear -- I just needed to get this out. My pity party is over...I will continue on my lifestyle path to wellness & try to not let this lead me into a downward spiral into the dark places I used to be in.

LAUGH, LOVE & SMILE...the rest will take care of itself...BE KIND to YOURSELF & OTHERS!!

Jody

Comment Now!

CMKCAL

11/12/2015 9:23PM

I agree with all these ladies....... You are a WINNER !! Remember I think I just read that on Tuesday and you !! Ignorance is bliss ..... Some people are just F~ing unsensative and you have every right to feel the way you felt. Don't let some idiot ruin what you have worked so dang hard for One Full Size that's AWESOME my friend and in my book you will always be a WINNER !! xo

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Robin L.

11/12/2015 2:31PM

Jody, Horrible plan to have people try on in front of everyone. And, a full blown panic attack is, in itself, scary. I, too, got mad just reading the part about xs gal complaining - totally hear you on that. Goodness, proud of you for continuing on in spite of this. You are beautiful, strong and spirited - get back up on that pedestal.

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Rachelle T.

11/12/2015 1:29PM

You have sooo much to be proud of my friend!! I know today was a tough one for you. Keep your head up, and keep doing what you are doing. I'm so proud of you! And remember "It's not about the size you wear, but the way you wear your size" XO

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Debbie

11/12/2015 1:25PM

That is awful! I would hate to have to try anything on in front of my co-workers, that just isn't right :( Sorry you had to be put in that situation. Don't let it sidetrack you. you are kicking butt and taking names. Just keep doing what you've been doing and you will get to your goal. I think we all have those moments when we feel crappy and situations like this one just make it worse! Good for you for venting to your hubby and here! That is so much better than making a date with the fridge ;0)

Aimes

11/12/2015 12:39PM

Ummm. WHY did they make people try on different sizes in front of everyone? Seriously, WTH? That seems really inappropriate! I would have been mortified too. I am so sorry that happened to you. I hear you re: wanting to be "normal." I back-slid recently post-vacation (couldn't get back into my routine) and it's a constant challenge to get back to where I was. The downward spiral into the dark place is not where you belong. Stay positive and up where it's sunny. You have made SO MUCH progress and are doing SO GOOD~! You've inspired me, Jody. Keep up the amazing work!