What does it feel like to be in my body right now?

Posted on August 25, 2016

Today begins my 100th day 1! The introduction of this blog is the new thing I am trying in an attempt to make it different this time, to make it stick. I bought a 21 day weight loss meditation book in April and made it through day 14 before giving up. I also stumbled during those 14 days. I am starting this book again because it raises some very good questions. This post is a response to the first days meditation question: What does it feel like to be in my body right now?

Right now it feels slightly out of control! I have all the tools and I know exactly what to do but I keep getting in my own way. I will workout for 4 days straight and eat clean and amazing and at the first sign of stress I fall right off the wagon. My "off" days are enough to negate the 4 previous days and the brain fog that follows is a clear signal that my physical body doesn't appreciate the blast of carbs and sugar either.

I feel like I'm using this issue of weight to delay a lot of things and to avoid countless others. I can't go out for drinks because I'l eat garbage afterwards and I don't workout in the morning. I can't date because I don't feel confident right now even though I put up a good front. When you feel out of control in an area where you actually have control it can make you feel out of control in all aspects.

I spent the morning thinking about my life as a whole and what other areas I feel out of control in. I feel slightly out of control in my career. I work for a company that is growing leaps and bounds. People are being hired making 6 figures and I'm one of the early employees still fighting to make ends meat. We sell luxury products and the cost of 2 purses is often equivilent to my entire years salary. I think this is messing with my self worth. I hear stories of European vacations and swanky parties and I'm struggling to keep the lights on. It makes me feel like I'm not worth as much as the people I'm surrounded by and that makes me look for comfort in food. I can't go on vacation but I can grab some ice cream and briefly feel better.

I'm not quite sure yet what the answer is but I am working on getting to the bottom of it.

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Supreme Diet Queen

08/25/2016 11:15AM

I, too, am struggling with the habit of giving up when things take a turn for the bad/stressful. I think it's normal for us to want to throw up our hands and cry uncle when life gets overwhelming. I'm working hard on learning how to persevere, even if I have a miss, getting back in the saddle and continuing on. It's helping to remember my goals, which at present are to be able to fly without needing a seat belt extender (goal achieved!) and to be able to horseback ride again. Try to come up with something you want so very badly you can taste it. Something not a number on the scale. Make it something you can do/touch/experience/hold so you can visualize it waiting for you at some point in your journey. Nothing intangible like "to be healthier" unless you've got a firm picture in your mind what that looks like.I hear so many echoes of myself and my struggles, my internal dialogue in this post. Not that I've arrived by any means. But I'm attempting to move forward in hope. I remind myself daily that time will pass whether I use it wisely or not, so I might as well do something today that will make a positive change for tomorrow.On a side note, something that's helped me stop giving up was a book called Finished Being Fat. I'm not at all interested in running marathons, but the author addresses her lifelong habit of never finishing things and chronicles her learning how not to quit.

GB likes this comment.

Thank you for your response! It's nice to hear from other people with similar struggles. I really love what you said about time moving regardless of how you use it. I am going to keep that one! Congratulations on your past successes! Many more to come I am sure.