I started this DietBet thing 5 months ago and while the first 3 months I was very consistant in my nutrition and exercise, these last couple months I've really started letting things slide. Mostly with the eating part but some with the exercise too. I now weigh more then when I started. In fact, I weigh more now then I ever have. This yo-yo train wreck has to stop. The older I get, the more I see how important being healthy is. I realize how many people I let down besides myself when I do this to my body. First, myself because obviously I am worth more then what I am doing. My husband who deserves an attractive sexy wife who cares about her body and is not ashamed to be intimate. My children who should have a mom who can be an active part in their lives. Who wants to sit on the sidelines of life? I want to be the healthy mom who shows them how to live a healthy lifestyle too. I dont want to set them up for repeating my behaviors when it comes to food. I will have let them down big time doing that. My biggest motivator in never giving up is the fact that I want to be in my childrens wedding pictures looking healthy, happy and gorgeous. I also dont want to be the "fat" mom to their friends. Who wants that? When will I realize that I deserve this and just need to push myself though my own barriors and create the life I know I can have? By not confronting the issues behind my eating, I create walls that make me feel safe. Food is a comfort. I build a dome of self hate, body loathing, low self esteem and depression just by continually eating all the wrong foods, gorging on snacks, sugar and junk and then hiding the evidence because of the shame. I have a food addiction. I believe its a very real thing for me. I know the only reason I am not severly obese is the fact that I do exercise pretty consistantly. Its sad though that I run 4 times a week and still gain weight. Get the picture? Its all wrong! The thing is I enjoy fruits, vegetables, and lean meats. I always see healthy meal plans put together and dont think "ewww I have to eat that to lose weight? yuck.", I actually think its delicious. My roadblock on my way to success is my own self. I KNOW what to eat. I KNOW what to do. I KNOW how long, how many times to exercise etc. When I apply these princibles I consistantly lose weight every time. But somewhere along the way I get stressed (happens easily in my life) and I find comfort in a pint of ice cream or a bag of chips. The whole time I am having this dialog in my head to stop, to put it away, to love myself more, yet I continue and let the guilt sweep me away. Always tomorrow right? THIS THINKING HAS GOT TO STOP! I am tired of this. I am tired of looking this way. There is a girl inside that is nothing like she looks on the outside. I want to have fun. I want to enjoy life. I want to live longer and healthier then I ever have. I want to keep medical issues away. I want to love myself.
Let's get started..............This time for real. It's time to finally do things the right way and with the commitment of a lifetime. Its time for change. Its no longer just a want, its a need.