Somehow the past always has a way with catching up with you. Maybe it's the half pound of salt water taffies you'd devoured the night before, or maybe it's an old relationship catching up with you. Just when you think you've managed to free yourself from that nasty little web you got tangled in.. You find you're still hooked, and the spider has come back to bit you in the butt. The one thing that I've discovered recently is that while I am doing this for myself, I seem to have uncovered a hidden motive. One that's better tossed out into the trash with all the other rubbish. I'm doing this for myself, and to prove a point to people. That I am not as useless and as worthless as everyone claims I am.
That for once, I will prove them all wrong and watch them as they stumble over themselves in awe at how amazing I really can be. But doing something to make someone else happy never makes YOU very happy. And even if I did manage to accomplish all that then what? It was all a waste of time anyways. The only one I want to be happy is me, because I'm the only one that has to live with myself. And if I'm to ever live with anyone else I need to be happy with me first before they ever can. Problem is how to channel all this drive and frustration correctly. So I can let go, but still prove to myself that I'm worth the effort. It's confusing. I'd ask why life didn't come with a manual but it did. Thank God for my bible.