While I'm the heaviest I've been in 9 years, I'm also the happiest (and most self assured) I've ever been. I know that seems counter intuitive, but I think this is the reason I'm going to be successful in taking off this extra weight and keeping it off. For me, I believe that extra weight gain is a symptom of deeper emotional and spiritual challenges (along with habitual eating patterns). I know that I eat when I'm feeling stressed, sad, anxious, and bored. I also know that in the past I've felt incredibly shameful about my appearance and judged my value in the world based on how I looked. I think the combo of feeding my lonely heart and shaming myself for weight gain has set up a vicious cycle of dieting and binge eating. I've become a self fulfilling prophecy fueled by self criticism and unhealthy coping habits. During the last several years I've been working diligently on healing emotionally and spiritually. I can honestly say that I no longer hold feelings of self hate, and I no longer judge my worth (ability, value effectiveness, etc) based on my body size. I believe my new relationship with myself will aid me in becoming healthy physically. I've learned new, healthy, coping strategies, and I'm ready to let go of food as my protector, nurturer and soother. I feel connected to myself and the world, and I'm ready to become the man I was intended to be. I'm no longer motivated to lose weight because I think it will make me a better person or because I think it will make other people like me. This time, I'm going to lose weight out of love for myself. Love, not shame, is my new motivation.
With that said, here are a feel of the other reasons I'm embarking on this journey:
- Be healthy- physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
- Be active
- Participate in sports like I know I'm capable (road bike, ski, golf, hike, mt. bike)
- Longevity (I'm watching my parents deteriorate in their early-mid 60s and it scares the hell out of me)
- Vitality
- Feel good
- Have energy throughout the day
- My baby girl (5 months old)
- My wife (who's endless patience and love sustains my soul)
- Enjoy the wilderness- I live in the most beautiful place on earth
- Be pain free
- Live Life to the Fullest!!!
I pray that during the upcoming year I will connect to my true motivation often- and especially when the going gets tough. If I can remember what I'm fighting for, I believe I will be able to endure any challenges life throws my way.