"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. It is the same cycle over...and over...and over again: 

  1. Get to an "all-time high" in weight (crowd cheers)

  2. Get motivated to make a change

  3. Lose weight

  4. Feel great!

  5. Slowly gain it all back (and then some)

  6. Hate self

  7. Go back to step 1

It's time that I stop the insanity.  

So often I hear, "It's simple...diet and exercise. Eat less than you work off each day, and you'll lose weight." Easy, right? Technically...yes it is that simple. But what many people fail to acknowledge is the mental and social aspects of weight loss. Alcoholics and drug addicts can avoid their addiction (with substantial effort). However, as a food addict, I cannot avoid eating. I must eat to survive. Therefore, a simple dinner with friends suddenly becomes a test of will-power. 

Can I resist the things I want to eat day in and day out? How long can I avoid temptation? What happens when I put in the work to I lose weight the right way, and it doesn't work? Moderation is clearly the path for long-term success. I just struggle to maintain moderation; one serving turns into three which then turns into five which turns into, "Well, I've already messed up. Why stop now?" I would be much more successful if I just had someone follow me around and slap unhealthy foods out of my hands.

I'm tired. Tired of the embarrassment. Tired of the frustration. Tired of trying. Tired of the failure. I've struggled with this for half of my life. Shouldn't I have said by now, "I've had enough of this! I'm going to do this once and for all! I'm going to find balance in my life and make permanent change..." and then commit to the change.  But here I am...starting over...again.

In the back of my mind, I can't help but think...

"Here I go again..." 

"How long is this going to last?"

"Can I really do this?"

As much of a pity party it sounds like I'm having, the truth of the matter is: I don't have a choice.  I need to dedicate myself to this journey.  I have to be successful.  I must achieve my goals.  For so long I've lived a restricted lifestyle because of my weight. Regardless of my past failures and personal fear, I am prepared to try again.

My Plan

  • A healthy and balanced diet  

  • Exercise through my personal trainer, Farrell's Extreme Bodyshaping, and running outside

  • Dietbet (New Year, New You and The Transformer)

  • Marble jars to remind me of my weight loss daily

 

My Hopes, Dreams, and Aspirations

  • Run a 5K and eventually a 10K

  • Wear a bathing suit in public

  • Feel confident

  • Appear professional

  • Climb a mountain (of sorts)

  • Go to a beach

  • Be comfortable in my own clothes

  • Get picked up by my husband (actually picked up!)

  • Be proud