I recovered from last Wednesday’s session and went back again on Saturday for some more torture .. I mean exercise.

We start the warm up and like the week before I assume they are just going to do a lap or two of the oval. Within 100 meters I’m huffing and puffing like a pack-a-day smoker, without actually being a smoker. I’m thinking they’ll probably do two laps in the time it takes me to do one and I’ll meet them back at the start. Wrong! Again!

Embarrassingly one of the mums has brought her son along who looks to be no older than 5, turns out he’s faster than I am. Geeze I have some work to do. HATE running. Short sprints up and down a basketball court were all I have ever done, this longer distance thing I am sure my body is allergic to.

We get to the bottom of the oval and the instructor informs us that we are leaving the field and going to the skate park … CRAP this means I HAVE to keep up as I don’t know where the bloody skate park is. *sigh*

I finally get to the skate park and the rest of the group are doing various exercises on the stairs. The lady next to me can obviously see I’m about to pass out and tells me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. Clearly I’m hyperventilating enough that one of the other participants felt the need to help me breathe properly. Personally I would have just called an ambulance if I saw someone in my condition at that point.

A few more exercises on various structures and it’s time to run back to the oval. I’m at the back of the group again (no surprises there) and the instructor asks one of the regulars to stick with me … NNNNNOOOOOOO (note to self, internal voice should remain internal). DAMN I can’t walk, nothing like the guilt of slowing someone else down to keep you running.

While everyone else has had a full minute to catch their breath and get a drink, I finally get back just in time to start some timed sprints with 10 push-ups. HHHEEELLLPPPP I need a rest!

After the first sprint the instructor yells “Everyone get their 10 push-ups in” … the ENTIRE group in unison yell back “Yes”. After a short satellite delay, where I managed to get enough oxygen in my body to make a noise with my mouth, I release a panting “No”. As the time reduced after each sprint it wasn’t worth the effort to get on the ground by the last one as I had to get straight back up again. I finally get a few seconds rest and a drink and choke on the water. Great now I’m going to drown.

O.k. time for some core work … YAY a break from running!! Seriously you would think I would know better than to get excited about the no running thing. It’s boot camp, doesn’t matter if your moving or staying still, it’s still going to hurt. LOL

We set up in a high plank and the instructor informs us that we need to stay up for the length of the song Roxanne … this is a whole 3 minutes AND 12 seconds. NO CHANCE! LOL (phew good job, internal voice stayed internal on that one. High five me.)

Oh hang on a second, just like a Today show infomercial, there’s more. We have to do what you say?

As if staying in a plank for that long isn’t challenging enough, whenever we hear the word “Roxanne” we have to do a push-up. And whenever we hear “Red Light” we have to do a tuck in. So not only do I have to focus on holding myself up but I need to concentrate and listen to the song at the same time. What does this bloke think we are?? :-)

Go and give this a try yourself and tell me when you get to the chorus that I’m not the only one who landed flat on my stomach on the ground ... each time. Aren’t I?? Please??

Half way through and I can’t hear the song properly over the grunting noise someone is making … uummmm, hang on a second, it’s me. Oops. After pulling myself back up again after yet another belly flop, with all the holding, concentrating and trying to not make a noise, I can no longer hear the song. All I can hear is my heart beating like a rock concert drum in my ears.

The whole session was on timed intervals, the ONLY one I made the time on was pulling the truck tyre. I watched as two tiny mums struggled to pull the tyre and couldn’t make the time. While myself and another mum made it with a few seconds to spare. Turns out all the extra body weight is useful when it comes to pulling a massive tyre.

If only there was a market for that.

Bring on Wednesday night. I am hopeful my arms will have stopped shaking by then.