Well this roller coaster journey continues...
I started out at 250. So yeah, I am ddoing great.... BUT.
The first 70 lbs just disappeared. Stress, divorce, and depression will do that to you. Then you meet someone, get happy, get comfortable.... and before you know it the dreaded 200 is staring back at you on the scale.
In August I put my foot down. My size 12's were tightening, my step kids were embarassed to be poolside with me, and my thigh rubbing sounded something like a GIANT grasshopper singing a lullaby.
I started with two friends from work. One around 250, one a lean 160. We weighed in everyweek, went to the gym together, used MyFitnessPal to keep each other in check. Things were going great. 7 weeks with consistant loss. Sometimes only .5 lbs other weeks with 2lbs. All together we had lost 40 pounds. But then it happened. The lean 160 pounder dropped out. She had managed to slip back on her size 8s and no longer needed to work. then the other friend started not seeing loss, and before I knew it.... BOOM I was alone.
But I wasn't going to let it stop me. NO in fact I started training harder than ever. I was going to the gym twice on some days. Cardio in the AM, weights at night. I had stopped eating almost completely, sometimes only taking in 600 calories a day.
AND I HIT A WALL. Not just physically, but mentally. I became obsessed. Sick. Something that I swore I would never do. My world revolved around the scale. And the weight stopped dropping. I joined Dietbet in February, and BARELY made the goal. So distraught over the fact that I wasn't losing like before, I fell into a dark hole.
A calorie deficet black hole. I stopped eating. I stopped working out. I tried seeing a nutritionalist, but was too stubborn to listen to anything she said.
So here I am again. 6 weeks later, 5 lbs heavier. STUCK.
But I have one advantage. I have come to terms with my eating disorder. Yes, you heard me- eating disorder. Cronic dieting, its a sickness, even if you aren't waif thin.
I have to focus on the positives. I have to power though, and know I am not a lone wolf, that those lady wolves are out there, just not next to me on the treadmill. I CAN DO THIS, and I can do it healthfully. I am not going to cry when its only .5LBS, I am not going to stand on the scale everyday. I am not going to dig for a laxative when I see a gain.....
Friends be my strength.... I will be healthy!