I decided that I would share what I have been unwilling to admit or confront for the past 5 years. In 2016, after a year of marriage, my husband told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore and left me. Prior to this, I was extremely disciplined. All of my life. I worked out 6 days a week and adhered to a macro creed of 45% protein, 35% carbs and 20% fat. I maintained a BMI of 18 - 22%. My ex-husband left me when my job was particularly tough and emotional (I worked on criminal appeals for life in prison inmates) and I started losing hair. Me losing some hair was disgusting to him. The day he left me, I opened a beer. Many of them. I took a shot of tequila. Several of them. I never worked out again and my diet changed drastically. My drinking on the weekends became drinking during the week. My drinking during the week at night became drinking during the day. I was a miserable mess, spiraling out of control, thinking that no matter what I brought to the table emotionally or intellectually, if my looks weren't perfect, no one would want me. I gained weight rapidly and had an odd sense of satisfaction. No one was noticing me anymore. I felt invisible and it felt GOOD, When my XXL clothes started to be tight, I decided I needed to change a few things to just to maintain where I was. I cleaned up my diet and started walking. But I didn't give up the drinking. I would weigh in and the needle either went up or stayed the same, and I pretended it was old age because I couldn't face the fact that the alcohol was to blame. I was the epitome of a "functioning alcoholic." I gave up booze on 12/25/2021. I decided to join dietbet in an effort to hold myself accountable for my decisions and actions. Thank You for listening!
