I don't think anybody is fully confident in themselves but I can tell you the way I feel right now is far from that. I feel like most places I go I am comparing myself to other girls and how they look. Whether it be the way they dress, their hair, but what I'm most critical on is if they are skinnier than me. What a sad life to live if that's all I think about. I used to be the girl that could jump up and go run 6 miles, never eat more than I needed, and of course didn't have to worry if somedays I ate a little too much chocolate. However, metabalisms start to slow and I began to loose motivation in what I love to do.
Through out my life I was raised as a runner. My mother ran in college and I ran competitively ever since I was 10 years old. Miles was my thing, and I was good at it! I was chubbier than my friends during elementary school and sometimes I would get bullied for it, but when I found running it was my escape, I got to finally do something I was good at and that was fun. I was the fastest distance runner on the girls middle school track team and was the fastest my freshman year, then sophomore year came. I had a friend that decided she wanted to do XC her sophomore year as well, at first I was thrilled but then slowly I became envious. This girl was good and the only one that has ever been close to me through out my competitive career. One day she ran faster than me and won a race. I was devastated. The one thing that I was good at, the one thing that brought me happiness let me down. I felt as if I would never win a race agian, I let this thought consume the rest of my running career, I wasn't happy.
Now, you might think I'm some silly teenage girl that was jealous of another, which yes you're partially correct. However, my competitiveness wouldn't let me think anything else. Running was my thing and if she could beat me than it was no longer fun for me, it was no longer my escape from reality. I lost the love I had for the exercise and beat myself down. Emotionally I haven't been okay since I lost that love. I have gained ten pounds since my sophomore year and haven't even ran 7 miles since then.
Through out this love and then eventually hate realtionship with running, I was watching the Shaytards. Coming from a not so perfect family life I was immediately hooked on watching this loving family have fun and connect with one another. Then, came along Carlie, Shay's sister. At first I was jealous of this beautiful blonde bombshell but then I grew to love her just like the Shaytards. I've always been afraid to join one of these diet bets but for some reason I knew I was ready to do this one. I knew I had to do this one. I'm tired of settling to be unhappy with myself and the thoughts I put into my head. I'm ready to be the Maeson I know, the Maeson who loved getting fit and eating healthy.
I can't wait to see my results and I'm so blessed that Carlie came into my life so I can join this diet bet and finally be who I really am!
Thanks for reading. With love always, Maeson