After joining last week, committing to myself to lose this extra weight, I went to a wonderful Women's Healing Retreat weekend...something I used to do twice a year, but had fallen away from doing over the last few years. It's always a fantastic experience, in a variety of ways, but especially for the food...all healthy, organic, mostly vegetarian, and certainly delicious...food cooked with love! I chose to eat whatever I wanted, being aware of doing so until I felt comfortably full, without stuffing myself. It was one of the most relaxing, emotionally healing weekends I've had in a very long time. I wasn't stressing over my food choices...I simply enjoyed my food.
I received a lot of comments when I first arrived Friday night and greeted many women who are long, lost friends about 'how great I looked'. I made the conscious choice to graciously accept their compliments...without brushing them off...something with which I have struggled in the past. At yesterday's breakfast, I had a lovely discussion with two dear friends, who last saw me several years ago...back when I was weighing between 210-230 pounds. One of them gave me a sincere compliment, again along the lines of how great I looked. Being a super dear friend, I thanked her, but mentioned that I am actually a lot heavier than I was two years ago, and that I had committed this last week to losing the weight again. That led to her apologizing for quantifying me by the scale number. We discussed how challenging it is in our society to compliment someone for losing weight, without inadvertently implying that they were somehow less than, or unacceptable, or needing to change in order to be loved, at their heavier weight. We all agreed that we must learn to compliment people sincerely for making healthy choices in their lives, without tying that solely to their scale number.
For the first time in my life, I didn't feel threatened by someone complimenting me for a weight loss...because it was acknowledged that I was more than that scale number...that the compliment was intended to mean 'congratulations, sister, for choosing to stay healthy, and active, and to have right relationship with food'...instead of 'congratulations for fitting society's requirements for what looks good or is sexy because society doesn't accept you otherwise'.
With that new understanding and a higher level of personal acceptance in my pocket, it's time to get focused on losing this extra weight. As a reference, I jumped on the scale this morning and saw that I was at 184 pounds...two pounds heavier than when I officially weighed in last week. Rather than feel crestfallen or berate myself for eating for the pleasure of delicious, healthy food over the weekend, being mad at myself for NOT denying myself, I accepted it for what it is...a number...and moved on.
That's where I start my current weight loss journey today...accepting myself for the beautiful, talented, loving woman that I am...focused on making healthy choices for myself: to be active, to eat consciously and mindfully, and to love myself...regardless of my scale number.