My mother is out of town and i have to shop for my son(well i don't really have too but..) So I have him make a list after a long talk about how I don't shop like nana(chips, cookies, frozen meals...) and off we go and we're doing really, really well....until I see the mothers circus cookies on sale and I cave on impulse and chuck them in the basket. Now to really understand how impulsive this is, i've been creating and meeting a daily goal that the only sugar i can have each day is the sugar that i put in my coffee. I was doing so well that I'm pretty sure I went through an actual bout of sugar withdrawal(boy did that suck). I get home and I say to myself ok, these are a treat. Parcel them out into individual servings and reward yourself as you go. That lasted two hours. I've just eaten the last cookie, yes it was very good, and i'm glad there are no more sweets in the house. No i didn't eat the whole bag in one sitting...3 or 4 days. I've been thinking about why i gave in this time and i remembered that these cookies have a very special, sentimental place in my heart and it was most likely an emotional choice than a craving.
When i was 6 or 7 My Uncle Scottie, my Aunts husband, worked for mothers cookies. I don't recall the how or why that brought us to the plant that day but my uncle took us on a tour of the facility so i could see how the cookies were made. and there they were, the little pink and white frosting covered circus animal cookies were gliding by on the conveyor belt. As i watched them go by, not realizing, they were still warm from the oven, my uncle says hey you want to taste one? Ahhh who could resist, definitely not this 7 year old. I popped in my mouth and the crunchy cookie and frosting were still warm. Yep...fell in love right then and there with the cookies and they were instantly one of my faves. I look back on my younger, fitter years--20's, 30's and i think of how many times i've just sat and eaten an entire bag. I look back and wonder if those were emotional, cravings or just pure joy.
My Uncle was not the greatest guy in the world when he drank but when he was sober he was perfect. His excesses caught up with him about 20 years ago in the form of cancer. And that day is the memory i chose to hold onto. I know this seems pretty random and i truly didn't intend for this post to take this direction. My aunt died Christmas week after suffering an aneurysm in October and basically being comatose until her passing. I thought i had grieved when she first entered the hospital. I know the prognosis for someone her age suffering and aneurysm. I didn't cry when she died( i don't really think i will) but every time I see or eat a bag of these cookies i am always instantly and vividly reminded of that trip to the factory, and the taste of that first cookie and how much i absolutely worshipped my aunt and uncle through a child's eyes. I am forever and irrevocably connected to pink and white frosted animal cookies. Knowing its and emotional connection won't keep me from eating them again, but next time i'll fully understand why i'm drawn to them.
sorry....this totally took a left turn. and the title certainly doesn't fit....but i'll leave everything as is. We all have triggers that we think are weaknesses but today i choose to see this one as an emotional connection. I really do love those stinking cookies.
This was really supposed to be about my son the cook and baker who insists that i taste everything he makes, god help me because he can cook! Maybe my next post will be about his creations and how i avoid eating them. :-)
Alrighty then....
Happy Fat Hunting!