A very smart lady reminded me that I'm on this journey for myself, not for anyone else. Now that people are noticing my weight loss, I've been getting more compliments and it's distracting me from why I'm doing this. I didn't start this to be skinny or to get attention from other people. In fact, I hid the fact that I was trying to lose weight for months and have only been more open about it as my weight loss has become more conspicuous. Yet, with all the comments I'm finding myself focusing more on the scale, wanting faster results even though it's not consistent with my efforts to make this change sustainable.
To get myself back on track, I wanted to remember why I'm doing this and the difference this is making for me in my own life.
I remember a series of small moments in my life that just made me feel so sick and tired of my weight. I walked up a flight of stairs - my knees wobbled and hurt, I was out of breath. I went on a hike with some friends - I was so far behind that I couldn't even see them, I rolled my ankle and I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to make it back to the car. I tried to button/zip my pants/shirt/jacket on any given day - I felt frustrated and disgusted that I had to buy bigger clothes. I wanted take out from the place around the corner - the idea of walking seemed like too much, so I convinced my husband to drive us there. I had gotten to a point where I'd sometimes wear knee or ankle braces because my joints would ache and feel weak like they couldn't support my weight. I'd look in the mirror and not recognize my own face in the roundness that had developed. I didn't think that I could do anything and had lost confidence in myself.
Flash forward to 8 months later and all of these small moments are just memories. I have no trouble with stairs (unless it's after leg day), no problems with my joints, and I've walked by that take out place countless times without even wanting to eat there. My clothes don't fit now because I'm too small and I don't recognize my face anymore because it seems so streamlined. It's been a roller coaster at times, definitely ups and downs, even today, but I'm so much farther along than I've ever been. I didn't think I'd make it, like so many times before, but here I am. I feel good, healthy, and strong. I'm doing this for me and I'm the only one that is truly benefitting from the journey.