OMG! I admire your honesty! I can relate to very many of your thoughts. So much indeed, that I wonder: have you ever been tested for bipolar disorder? It defenitely sounds like hypomanias, what you describe as ego. Food and alcohol are both drugs of choice for people with addictive behavior, and might well be a symptom of underlying issues. My issue has always been Food, but I had a little test run with drugs in the 70'ties and another in the 80'ties, but it just didn't do it for me.
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