Sometimes it's really fun to be bipolar, most times I am fairly normal, and sometimes the depressions comes in all shades of black.
The mindset of a bipolar person varies, of course, from one individual to another, but most of us have some common nominators. It takes a lot of work to appear normal when you really want to die, but as with everything in life, it is amazing what you can achieve even when it takes dedication and determination.
I am jut going to talk about the weight loss issues now, I have other blog posts about my "inner dialogue" and "excuses and explanations" And let us kill the old myth once and for all: Beeing depressed does NOT make you loose weight. How you handle your depression might. Here comes my personal description of my own mood swings and how they affect my energy and appetite.
"Deep black whatever" It is almost impossible to get out of bed, food does not matter. If somebody brings food, I will eat some of it to be polite, but I will not talk with anyone unless absolutely necessary. I want to die, but cannot muster the energy, so might as well just not eat or drink. No tears
"Deep black hole" My energy is higher, I walk around the house, wrapping my arms around myself, trying to find a way to commit suicide and make it look like an accident. Sometimes not eating at all, sometimes stuffing myself with everything in sight. Nothing matters. Silent screams, but no tears.
"Black blanket" Low energy, wanting to die, but trying to hold on, aware that it will pass eventually. Craving fat, sugar and salt to feel alive, and too lethargic to exit the front door. There might be tears, but mostly blank stares into nothing.
"Black banner" Managing a fairly normal lifestyle at low speed, just carrying that black banner everywhere. Energy low, but brain is aware that this is something that will pass, and it is possible to just ride it out. I cry whenever I am alone, but never in front of people. I will engage in normal activities, but get exhausted after a few minutes, regardless of what: talking with a friend on the phone, doing the dishes, watching a movie. Will appear normal to most people. Will have the urge to eat as self medication constantly. (Feeling the same as when someone I love dies and I am not particulary depressed from the start.)
"Black slippers" Feeling normal when doing normal activities, but whimpering with self pity when I am alone. Wanting to eat comfort food when alone, not feeling it so much when with others.
"Polychrome greys" Almost normal, able to feel fine, able to feel sad. Never happy, but not desperate neither. Able to stick to a meal plan, but having cravings from hell. What would normally be defined as sad.
"Polychrome" Normal. Happy at times, sad at times. Absolutely capable of sticking to a plan, and able to loose weight. Energy for a full day, but needing a full night's rest
"Polychrome bright" Life is looking good, and I want to do everything I missed out on when depressed. I start talking a lot, and have opinions about most topics. Feeling energetic, and clean the house, bake bread, paint, sow, knit, go dancing... And throwing myself at every diet and exercise plan I find.
"Bright life" Fantastic energy, wanting to help everybody with every problem they might have. Little need for food, but sloppy about sweets and savoury food. Self confident and a bit boisterous. Will have a fanatic meal plan, but giving in all the time, thinking it is not a big deal, I will do everything right tomorrow. Train of thoughts stopping at the wrong station again and again.
"Shining bright light" I have a stong connection to God, don't need food, don't need rest. Will hear His voice or feel His touch. Intensly happy and feeling blessed. Should be committed.....
Medication keeps me in the polychrome areas, with the black slippers from time to time, and very rarely have the more severe moods. I have a lot of coping skills and are mostly doing great, but it does take some planning ang some work to stay sane....