Yesterday after a killer Boot Camp style class at the gym, my fiancé and I went to a neighborhood bar where a buddy of ours has a pop-up taco stand.
As the evening was wrapping up, I mentioned that I was on my last drink and taco, but that I was happy hanging out if he wanted to order one more round. I don't remember the exact wording, but my fiancé was quizzical and I made a joke about sticking within my calories for the day and losing weight being "the one traditional thing" I was doing pre-wedding, since most of our plans are nontraditional.
Mr. Fiancé was not amused. He launched into this (mercifully) short but insistent rant about why would I choose to conform to expectations like that and weight loss is hard to do (implying I was setting myself up for failure), etc.
And to be honest, it was a blow to hear that serious of a response to something that was supposed to be a light-hearted joke. Not just because it wasn't supportive, but because there is some truth to it. I have really wrestled over the past year with how much I want to conform to the wedding industry's standards, and weight loss (and spending $$$ to achieve it) is oh-so ingrained in our cultural expectations of brides. It's even included on major wedding websites' suggested to-do checklists! My fiancé is an ardent feminist, which is one of the things I cherish about him, and I know all too well that it is difficult to balance feminist understanding of body positivity and society's insistence on airbrushed bikini bodies.
But here's the thing: Overall, the conversation really didn't bother me that much. I let him say his piece and we moved on. And the reason that it didn't bother me now, when it might have in the past, is because I'm comfortable with and confident in the way that this weight loss journey has taken shape. I didn't set unrealistic goals, I gave myself a long time to achieve slow changes and I didn't choose any fad diets or unsustainable food restrictions. I'm doing something that I want to do, for myself, in order to look and feel better. It just so happens that having a wedding as a target deadline creates a nice timeline to orient to. This wasn't really a surprise to him - we've talked about it; he knows I've been tracking my calories because I ask him what the ingredients are in everything he cooks; he knows I've been eating healthier from the fact that there's been an increase in fish and cauliflower for dinner when I cook; he knows I've been on DietBet (although we rarely talk about it).
And I know that he has an instinctively negative reaction to weight loss talk because he's been obese most of his life. But he's made amazing strides in getting healthier recently, including working with a trainer for over a year straight! He even told me that he's adjusting to being able to buy pants at regular stores and having them fit well. :) So rather than take his comments personally, I know that this is a tough subject and we're all doing the best we can. I appreciate that he would be perfectly happy with me just as I am today on our wedding day. And I'm going to continue doing my thing and am determined to be equally content no matter what the number on the scale is 171 days from today.