I joined DietBet at the end of October 2015. I made some bets, but never followed through. I entered my first transformer and forgot all about it. January 12, 2016 I decided to weight in at Weight Watchers and finally face the music. I was 324.4 pounds on their scale. I was around 95 pounds heavier then when I weighed in with them 2 or 3 years ago and only stayed 2 weeks after that. I finally had enough of my ridiculousness. After that weigh in I started with small changed and stuck with it. I was sweating after 10 minutes of slow walking on the treadmill and my legs were tired. Changing my diet was SO rough. I hadn’t even stopped drinking diet soda at the time. But, I didn’t stop trying. Baby steps is better than no steps. I reminded myself that I could no longer fit into most booths at restaurants and was so embarrassed. I couldn’t walk around Disneyland without having to stop so much that my sister was annoyed.

I cried about 1 and half months into this diet and exercise journey because it was so hard and I have such a LONG way to go. It doesn’t help that 4 out of the 5 members of my family (including me) are obese and the other one looks normal weight but is slightly overweight as well. All of us had horrible eating habits. No one regularly exercises. I’ve been overweight-obese since MIDDLE SCHOOL and have never been to my normal weight since.

But now I’m at the 3-month mark. I’ve never missed one weigh in at weekly meetings at Weight Watchers. At each weigh in I’ve always lost weight and never gained or stayed the same. After 3 months at Weight Watchers I’ve lost 42.8 pounds and am now 281.6 pounds. I’ve lost 13.2% of my Weight. I’ve been ignoring my emails from DietBet about the Transformer challenge. By the time I return here I’ve missed the Mandatory Weigh in and the challenge is ending in 1 day. I’ve missed a slew of opportunities to make some money out of the transformer. To me… I’m mad. How many times have I done that in other areas of my life?

That’s where the forgiveness part comes in. I have to forgive myself. No one is perfect. Many people in life decide to just say, “Screw this. I give up.” They handle things so wrong when faced with adversity and shame. And heck, after losing my first 5 pounds my Dad was a big A-Hole about it and decided to laugh at me and say, “Hahahaha! I can’t tell you lost any weight.” He would have no idea I’d remember his words (straight to the heart), but that’s my Dad. I know he’ll never change… But, I can. I already am changing. I’m sticking to making healthier choices to eat. I’ve included strength training and aerobics as part of my exercise. I have more stamina and strength. Yes, I have a long way to go, but, I just gotta take it one day at a time, one week at a time, one weigh in at a time.

Forgiving myself allows me to feel lighter emotionally and enjoy myself during this journey rather than carry the heaviness of staying angry at myself or others. I’d rather find happiness in this journey than to stay mad. Although every emotion has its purposes and uses… Being angry for this long journey is just not going to work for me.

I joined another transformer today. This time… I’m doing ALL the rounds and I WILL Succeed. I already am by forgiving myself first and not giving up.