This has been my mantra for the last week or so. When my alarm goes off at 5:15 AM to be at OTF for the 6:15 AM class: turn on the lamp and just keep swimming. When I'm watching Food Network and Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman) is making chocolate peanut butter pie: pop a fat bomb and just keep swimming. When my heart rate is at 92% max and my OTF coach is saying to pump up the speed and incline: reach down, breathe, hit the up arrow, and just keep swimming. When my muscles are sore from lifting, my feet blistered from pounding the tread, and my hands calloused from the rower: take an epsom salt bath, moisturize, strech and roll out, and just keep swimming.
I continually keep reminding myself of this as I get used to this new routine. Nothing about this new lifestyle is "easy." It's getting easier, but it's definitely not easy. We all know that anything worth having is worth working for. What makes it easier is that I am seeing results. It sounds so cliche, but it took years to pile on the pounds and learn unhealthy habits, and it's going to take a lot of hard work to reverse these effects. I have to retrain not only my body, but more importantly my mind to be strong, disciplined, and unwavering when experiencing temptations. For someone who has used food to cope with unpleasant emotions, I am still figuring out how to deal with these emotions when they come up instead of stuffing a cookie or bag of chips into my gullet.
One thing that I am really scared of right now is developing an eating disorder. I would actually argue that I had an eating disorder before completely changing my lifestyle to this newer, healthier one recently, as I was constantly overeating and not exercising. However, what I am afraid of now is not necessarily falling back into my old habits, but developing an eating disorder at the opposite end of the spectrum. I've found myself recently being scared to eat certain foods because I was afraid to see the result on the scale. It can be a good motivator to avoid making poor eating choices, but I do not want this to eventually become another coping mechanism in my life. Instead of overeating, restriction. Either way, it's a way to cope with life and feel like you have control over what is going into your body. I have a very addictive personality, so the possibility that I can take this too far is very real and very possible. I'm hoping that staying aware, staying present, and staying accountable will help me to continue to work towards healthy weight loss and maintenance.
Writing these weekly blogs has been immensely helpful for me to keep myself accountable. I am able to reflect on the past week, see where I stumbled, and make goals for the upcoming week, all while feeling so incredibly supported by the DietBetters I've encountered. I've realized over the years that writing is a good way for me to sort through the emotions and make sense of the world around me. Often times, if I am feeling something and I can't put my finger on the emotion causing this, I just start writing a stream of thoughts and eventually, what is actually bugging me makes it's way onto the paper (or a screen). I am also incredibly extroverted, so it really helps me to stay positive, motivated, and dedicated by hearing support from you all and reading about your stories. Even when work has been crazy, I have 6 piles of dirty gym clothes to wash, and a meal plan and shopping list to make for the week, I tell myself again "Just Keep Swimming," and write these weekly blogs.
So that's what I wish for everyone this week. I hope you find something or someone in your life that makes the swimming worth it. For me, I've finally realized that I am that person that I have been searching to keep me motivated, and that definitely makes all this swimming fun, worthwhile, and another way for me to practice self-love and self-care.