I have to say, making this health commitment to myself has been much easier than I anticipated. I'm not sure why it feels so different this time around. I'm 2 weeks into this lifestyle change, and I still feel motivated, excited, and committed when it comes to healthy eating. I feel like I am starting to listen to my body, what kinds of nutrients it wants/needs, what kinds of foods make my body feel good, and what kinds don't. I feel like I am starting to connect with and understand my body in ways that I have not experienced before.
The one part of this lifestyle change that still does not feel natural or fun to me is working out. When I am at home, I go to Orange Theory Fitness, which is really helping me to recognize how far I can push my body physically. In the past when I would try to lose weight, I would work out like a mad person for long periods of time, not paying attention to my body or the signals it was sending me. I would push myself beyond exhaustion, and many times would find myself smelling ammonia from my body burning protein for energy. I was essentially doing damage to my body instead of anything good. With OTF, I have a heart rate monitor attached to me at all times, so I know where I should be and can either ease up for a little bit or push myself in my mind a bit further. I have yet to experience the ammonia smell, which makes me think that I am finally finding balance in my workouts and not hurting my body.
I still am trying to figure out how to work exercise into my normal routine. When I am at home, I am able to stick to my routine and wake up early in the morning, get a great workout in, and feel inspired for the rest of the day to keep up my healthy eating. Some days I am more tired than others and can't make it out of bed at 5:30 AM, but I have been able to push myself to go to the 10 AM or 12:30 PM classes when I miss in the morning. However, with my job I am on the road a lot during the week. It's hard to work in vigorous workouts in a hotel gym, or find an OTF near where I am staying. I am going to need to be persistent in finding OTFs close to where I am staying when I do hit the road, and that is something I am very willing to do.
The other part of it is weekends. On weekends, I tend to travel to visit friends and take long weekend trips, so it's difficult to get a workout in when my mind is focused on seeing my friends and spending as much time as possible with them. This last weekend was extra difficult. I was visiting friends in DC and did not work out for 3 days in a row. Luckily, I was able to stay pretty consistent with my eating (which was shockingly easy), but the exercise got me. I did not gain any weight while out there for 3 days, so I am chalking that up to a win, but I know this is just the first test. Changing this part of my lifestyle is proving to be the most difficult, but also I know it's the most important. I am going to explore a few different options for working out while traveling, and hopefully land on something that works for me and my preferences.
Overall, I would say week 1 was more of a success than week 2. I did not travel, I had plenty of sleep, I took care of myself emotionally and mentally, and I was able to work out regularly. At this point in the past, I would have wanted to quit. I would have wanted to fall back into my old routine and eat whatever my brain thought I wanted, not my body. I would have cancelled my workouts and not taken away time from work or from relaxing to hit the gym. I would have stopped pushing myself and keeping myself accountable and disciplined, and taken the easy way out.
There is no easy way out. The easy way out is the path to self-destruction. I am choosing my difficult. It's difficult to work out when you would rather catch up on your favorite TV shows. It's difficult to say no to cake at your 1-year old nephew's 1st birthday party. It's difficult to force yourself out of your warm bed at 5:30 AM to go outside in 50 degree weather to go to the gym to exhaust yourself. But you know what's more difficult? Living a life of shame because of your body. Constantly worrying and wondering if the snickers and giggles you hear from groups of people are at your expense. Taking the escalator because you can't walk up two flights of stairs. Looking at your "fat pants" and realizing that even those are too small now.
My new difficult will soon become my new norm. My new difficult will lead me on a path of self-discovery, self-love, and self-care. My new difficult makes me want to be a better person, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better granddaughter, a better niece, a better employee, and hopefully eventually a better wife and mother. I am so excited for this journey and where it will lead me.