After all, are we alone?

Posted on November 8, 2016

Today I had one of the most unpleasant talks with my fiance about my goal.

In the end of this talk I didn't know if it was good to me and bad for our relationship or if I'm just being...crazy.

Several times during our relationship I tried and failed about this weigth loss thing. In four years i gained 40 kg / 83 pounds, and he was with me all the time and never said a word about it. But I know how this kind of thing can afect a relationship. He didn't know me how I'm today.

Well, I always tried to envolve him in my tries to lose weight, because he is not healthy as well. The only things he eats, and I really mean it, is potato, rice, black bean, egg and cheese. There are more but I think what I just wrote is about 90% of what he eat.

I think he is tired of this process, because I always failed. And today he told me that this time, I am alone. He didn't mind to eat chocolate in front of me ( actually, i had to break the chocolate for him), he didn't go to the gym with me how usually he does, he is eating the same sh*t he always ate.

But this time he just said : i won't do a thing for you this time, don't count on me. This is your responsability and I'm not the person who is in a diet, you are.

It was very hard to listenning to this kind of thing, especially from someone that i believe is my partner.

The surprise is that I went to the gym alone, I'm doing only my food and I'm felling good.

I don't know, maybe I needed to hear that because if we stop and think, we are alone in this journey.

Of course we have friends to support us, but the final decision is ours. It's our body that we must carry to the gym, is our mouth that we must close to the wrong things and it's us that must motivate ourselves to go on in a bad day. The question is...how will you feel about yourself once you are alone? Today I was very upset but I'm surprise that I have found a good person in me. A person that made the right choice even in a bad time.

Regarding to my fiance...I just don't know how to feel about him yet. I'm sad and confuse. :(

*Sorry for this post, I needed to write.*

Comment Now!

Sheryl J.

11/08/2016 7:04PM

Sometimes it is better to be on your "own" than expect our boyfriend/spouse to help us. You can do this on your own,,with support like writing here. Keep up with the exercise and choosing the right foods. My husband and I eat completely differently and he fixes his own meals. I just recently noticed he is eating more healthy than I am! Surprise, surprise. It makes me just want to work harder.

Lana likes this comment.

Lana

Thank you so much for you serene view. I eally need your words! Thank you so much! :)

Angie

11/08/2016 6:45PM

Don't be sorry for needing to write. Many heal and process through the written word. I am sorry you are feeling this struggle, I have struggled similarly. It is hard when you have to prepare foods that you love for others to enjoy while you watch and eat something you are telling yourself you will grow to love. My husband won't eat chicken or seafood of any kind. He doesn't like most pork. He prefers potatoes, rice a roni, and any starchy foods. My husband has shared often that he has always been drawn to larger women. Until recently, he never knew me under 200 lbs and I often worried if my desire to lose weight would change our relationship, and it has. As my body is changing, my husband has shared that he is sad because my underarm flab is getting smaller (and he loves jiggling it). He also shared my but and legs are getting smaller. He is paying attention more, touching more and commenting more about what I am doing. I was told 2 days ago that he didn't think he would like a smaller but and legs, but he actually likes it better. There is hope in this, but you have to care more about you at this phase of the game. If you believe that he will hold you down, you need to figure outwhat kind of life preserver you will need before you drown and not fear reaching for it. You have to be the one to decide how long and how much you can handle.I believe in you! You are worth the time alone at the gym and the time alone eating healthier.

Lana, DottedSeal and Sheryl J. like this comment.

Lana

Oh Sheryl, I don't have words to thank you for your kind words. I admire you! It's is very hard to go against what our husband thinks, especially if you know it would affect your relationship. It is needed a lot of self love and self knowledge. Thank you so much for this! Tight mental hugs for you! :)