Ah, Anna Nalick's '2 am' song's chorus might as well be my anthem. It's finally happened. It took 30 years to get here (man, only a couple of weeks ago I could say 29), but here I am. Breathless from simply turning over in bed. I've always suffered from bouts of insomnia, but these cherished times where I do sleep don't last long. Each time I turn over in bed, I awaken myself with the need to gasp for air. If I have to sit up and pull a blanket out from under me, to put over me, I am panting by the end. When sleep becomes an exercise, it's time to face facts. Nights are the same as days for me now. Always awake. 

 

So, as much as I love you Anna Nalick, I refuse to become your song. I refuse to be awake at 2 am. (Unless I'm having fun and it's healthy) I am cradeling my head in my hands, as you sing, because I am so tired my head has a hard time not toppeling off. But you know what I can do with one hand, while using the other to hold up my head? Sign up to lose weight! And boom baby, I did it!

 

When I started really gaining the weight a couple of years ago, I wrote my own lyrics to your song, Anna. And I can't wait until they are no longer true:

 

(Sung to the first verse of '2 AM', by Anna Nalick)

 

2 am and my butt cries cause it's still awake,

Can you help me sew up my lastest mistake,

Ripped the seams in our new favorite jeans,

I'm so sorry. 

 

Got addicted to french fries and Cadbury Eggs,

Now it looks' like we're carrying 'round 2 hefty pets,

Like 2 gorillas, or soft fluffy pillows (*pronounced all gansta-like: "pillah"),

For a backside.

 

 

 

I know there was more, but that is the part I remember most. When I was 20 and in cosmetology school, we wrote songs about my butt. It had it's own theme song. It got it's own new verse in Baby Got Back. It may have even had a sonnet or two wirtten in ode to it. But that was back when I was in shape, and it was a butt to be proud of. Healthy. Still big, but healthy. It's time for it's healthy theme song to come back, and shove this Anna Nalick version out of the window. 

Yes this is going to be hard and suck for the first few days to weeks. But you know what's NOT gonna suck? Being asleep. (And notifying Sir Mixalot that there is a new verse to his hit that he kinda needs to hear ;). I kid.)

And so, with $30 bet toward my success, I am all in. Bring it.