It's a beautiful rush. A loss of self control that for a momentary blip, feels amazing. In those minutes before your brain and body connect to tell you "FULL NO MORE", the food is comfort and bliss. It might start with a normal serving, but then I shut off the self control and say more. I can handle more. I eat without really tasting, but still manage to know it's enjoyable. I want it, need it, and self-control be damned. It happens within minutes, but during the binge feels like eternity. I've been eating forever, when really it's been 15 minutes of a calorie free for all. It doesn't make me happy long term and I know that, but I don't care. It's only about that moment of bliss.
Today I ate my lunch as slowly as possible in order to realign my mind body connections. I need to remember what it is like to enjoy food while also knowing there isn't immediately another serving coming. I need to remember that I'm full and satisfied but just don't know it yet. That's coming if I can just be patient enough to wait.