I am starting this blog to remind myself of my intentions on a daily basis. I am learing to love my body as it is however I am also feeling a great pull to become healthier. I am 66 years old and it has been an adjustment for me to even write that down. I have back issues so I can no longer do the amount of exercise I could once do. Five years ago my eldest son was hit on his motorcycle and sustained life threatening injuries. He had just finished the police academy and was getting on his feet. He died several times and there was talk of amputations but the real problem was his brain. He had a subdural hematoma and they could not operate because of all the other surgeries to save his limbs and internal organs. He eventually came out of the coma and had to learn to do everything again. He is metal from the knees down and is permanently disabled. He is a walking talking miracle. At the same time my youngest son had gotten into trouble again and was sent back to prison right after he married for the first time. At the same time my daughter who has a problem with alcohol was in danger of losing our grandson. Taken one at a time I think I could have coped but all at once it was too much for my faith. I became depressed. My back pain exacerbated and I was put on Norco and Robaxin. And then on Ativan for muscle relaxation. Three kinds of antidepressants and seroquel (an anti-psychotic) for sleep. I didn't get out of bed much for three years. My husband would bring me breakfast lunch and dinner. I ate what little feelings I had. I prayed for death. I told my husband I felt like I was alive in my grave and all I needed was someone to throw dirt on me. Well I had been sober for 15 years and one night I took a drink. Just one and went back to bed. No doubt with all the medications I was taking all I needed was the one. Anyway I started going back to AA and told my sponsor about it. I have a new sobriety date. I got off all the pain medication, muscle relaxers, Ativan. I take Motrin and only when I need it. I am on a high vitamin regimen. I no longer lay in bed feeling sorry for myself. I get up throw open the curtains thank God for another chance and get moving. Together my husband and I have 9 children, 25 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren. I want them to remember me for who I am today. Happy and getting healthy.