Husky. That was the term my mom used when I was a kid. It was a neutral term; much less derogatory than pudgy, plump, or fat (with an f). Even as a kid, I struggled with this feeling of ineptitude; not being healthy or athletic enough to do those things that I loved. I should use the present tense, since I still struggle. I struggle because I feel trapped inside a body that is, and never was, mine.
I've only felt truly good about myself (regarding my health and weight) twice in my life. The first time was at the end of high school. With no real direction and spending much of high school as a screw-up, I decided to join the Air-Force. I never did make it. The recruiter told me I had to drop some weight to qualify, so I lost about 30 lbs and was a stocky 189 lbs. I felt great, and even though I neverl enlisted, that motivation was necessary to my success. It didn't last and I gained it all back, and more.
The second time was about 8 years ago. My then-girlfriend (now wife) and I were both working desk jobs and were not the healthiest. It was obviously making unhappy so we decided to team up and work together to improve our health. These were some of the best years of my life. We followed WeightWatchers, but not religiously, and still enjoyed eating out by balancing unhealthy meals with healthier meals and activity. I remeber putting on a long sleeve shirt, a Medium, tucking it in, and looking in the mirror with a such a sense of satisfaction. I lost 65 lbs. in two years, eclipsing my previous succes and was a lean 178 lbs. When I put on a suit for my new job at the credit union, I felt confident. That didn't last either.
Life has a funny way of distracting us, and before long, I had gained that weight back, and a lot more. I am now approximately 100 lbs. heavier than when I put on that Medium shirt. I feel it in every breath, in every step. I know this is not who I want to be, but finding the courage and motivation to try again and stay with it has been difficult. So I am trying this, putting something small on the line in order to get myself thinking and working towards a healthier me.
I'll be blogging my progress weekly with this first, hopefully successful, DietBet. I am starting with a 4 week goal of losing 4% body weight. I chose this because, in orderto succeed, I will have to dive right in and make serious changes to my lifestyle. Recently, I've been inspired by two sources: Keith Nord (former Minnesota Viking) who spoke at our school a few weeks ago, and a good friend, Mike Spruill, who posts some great inspirational quotes on Facebook but also walks the walk, sharing photos showing how he is truly living the life he wants. I will be doing the same. It starts with this small step. The first weigh-in is next Saturday, then the real work begins.