While I have been doing alot of thinking and reading and realised that I hate the way being HEAVY makes me feel.  I am tired of not being serious about my health and weight and taking the easy way out.  I am done just being like everyone else and just put all the food in my mouth.  I am going to strive for better and accomplish my weight loss and health goals.  I was able to loose 54 pounds starting in October 2013 - May 2014 and then my daughter graduated from highschool and wow did I just relax and go totally off the right track I was on.  I know how awesom I felt back in May and my self esteem was off the charts.  When I started this dietbet I was back to 229 when back in May I weight 199 I was in wonderland....I will get back there and keep going and accomplish my goal of obtaining the 180's and see how I feel and look.  I do know how much I paid attention to the food I ate and made sure I was making good food choices and also I loved going to the gym and I was religious about going to the classes I enjoyed.  I was also training for a 10K in June and then I had to do another one that I signed up for in September and yes I was 5 minutes slower than the one in June but I did it.  Now I have decided that I will be training for the 1/2 marathon in Fargo, ND and the one in Bismarck also so this will make it easier for me to get back in the groove I enjoyed so much. I believe sometimes we think there is a magic number that we want and will maybe never achieve, this number for me is 146 and I weighed this back in my 20's and I just don't know if that is something that is healthy or even attainable for me.  I want to accomplish my goals and make the best of this life I have been given and see what other things I can achieve in my life.  The biggest thing for me is to have enough self esteem to maybe get the job if my dreams and see what that will be.

I got on the scale the other day and I saw 124 and was so excited and then I thought to myself do you realise that is 25 pounds heavier than I was back in May?  Then I realised that I'm on my way again and will stay on track and keep myself accountable by seeing that number on the scale a couple times a week or I will end up getting lazy again and putting that ugly, unwanted weight slowly come back on.  

I am also reading the most impressive book right now that is called the Beck Diet Solutin and wow is it eye opening.  It is not a diet book it is a book about how our brains work and how we need to change them to be able to teach our minds the healthy way to look at food and our relatiionship with it.  It also gives you many great hints to achieve weightloss goals that we have and keep the weight off.

The thing that is super hard for me is the weekends, I am in a controlled environment all week and the weekend hits and watch out I need to let my brain remind me that food is not worth the miserable feeling I have at this weight and the tightness of my pants.  I remember how good it felt to have pants just hang on me and I will get that feeling back and this time I will get rid of those pants and give them to someone that needs them.  My closet has enought sizes in it to keep me clothed for quite awhile.  I can't wait until I get to the size that I will need to actually get some new IN clothing.

While here is to everyone staying On Plan this weekend and making it to Monday and see what number will be on that scale. I am hoping for it to be 220 but if it is lower than 224 that is all that counts.