Tomorrow I start my first dietbet. My weight has been verified and the game says that I should lose about 2lbs. on average each week, and only consume 1200-1350 calories each day. That's no different from the goals I chose a few years back, when I lost all the weight I put on through college. I wish I could find the weight-loss journal I kept back then.

I'm excited to be a part of this challenge and am happy to have a goal in my life that seems attainable. I struggle to succeed with a lot of big goals, try and try again, so occasionally I need some small goals to feel accomplished. This bet may be a small goal, but I'm hoping that it will lead to bigger things. I miss being active outdoors. I miss being energetic. I miss feeling strong, healthy, and in control of myself.

I don't take much time out for myself, anymore. When I first took an interest in my health, I was unemployed, just out of college, and relearning how to enjoy life. I was back into hobbies and learning skills that didn't come from a textbook. I had time for myself. I worked out with Gilad every morning, danced at night, and got creative in the kitchen as result of my DASH diet.

It wasn't easy to lose weight and make changes in the beginning. I remember crying a lot because, at first, people weren't supportive of the way I carried out my goals to get fit. Exercise had to fit into a busy day (no ifs, ands, or buts) and I had to have meals that offered a substantial amount of vegetables and/or fruit next to heavy items. Later, my family and my husband (boyfriend at the time) became more concious about what they ate and my husband started exercising with me.

I'm worried that I may reencounter some of the problems I had before. I had a lot of lifestyle changes happen rather quickly in the last few years due to various responsibilities I took on, not all of them out of choice. I've been so stressed out by my current lifestyle, because even though I quit my second job a year ago and my grandmother moved into a nursing home, I still can't find the time for myself. As soon as I got some free time, people felt that I was now free to give them my time. Sometimes, I avoid certain responsibilities to just sit on my butt, alone. I wish I had my own private space in this apartment. Anyhoo...what I'm saying is that it may ruffle some feathers, if I do my own thing and manage my own life, but I hate wondering where the time has gone and why I'm sitting still. Well, I don't want to focus on why; I just want to embrace a new beginning and keep a positive attitude. Also, if I lose weight, I won't have to buy new pants; there are some slightly used size 14s waiting for me.