I've fallen and I can't get up.  LOL  No I've stumbled and lost my balance, but I'm still standing is more acurate.   Depresson always plauges me starting a slow saddness in September and creeping up in October to grow in intensity.  Every year I fight it and every year I claw my way back out of the darkness to find graditude and peace.   I do tend to isolate during the worst of it leading up to Christmas.   I've had so many loses this time of year from my best friend 25 years ago in a tragic brutal way, to my breasts one in September 2008 and then two years later one in November 2010.  Then the tries at reconstruction and the deconstruction in June this year has my sadness at an all time high.  My relationship with my dad also blew up in the fall of 2013 and hasn't recovered.  

However, I have my beautiful sweet Olive who's 15 months old now was born in September, and my adorable smiling Heidi a just two weeks before. (Who I get to see tomorrow!! She lives so far away). Then Carter came in April 2014 (such a red headed charmer), and now we have another grandchild coming in August and Olive will be a big sister.  When I stop my isolating and make myself go hold and play with my grand babies the cloud lifts and all is okay with my world again.  

I've only gained a pound during this time and for that I'm grateful.  I've finally started to use my spa more than once a week, and I'm coming up out of the darkness once again emerging with more graditude than before.  Now to get my sweet tooth under control and take off a few more pounds and stay on track!  I'm back.  I'm sorry I stayed away when I needed people the most.  I just had no energy except enough to do my job well, and try to hold up my home.