Hi there!

I'm new to this place. I recently started my weightloss journey, and I am lacking in motivation. That's why I joined this place. Monetary incentives are good. Accountability is good.

To tell the truth, I don't have a lot of support IRL. Not that the people in my life are trying to make me fail, or discourage me, not at all. They are just not helping me, if that makes sense. I mean, I have told everyone around me that this year, this year, I'm gonna loose that weight. Then in a weak moment, I'll go to the vending machine to buy a drink. So I stand there, looking at the sparkling water, looking at the coke, looking at the sparkling water... And my friends won't give me a little poke and say "Just get the water. You don't really need the coke. You're just thirsty.". I know, not their responsibility, but sometimes I just need that support. I need them to see that I'm wavering, and lend me a steadying hand.

I've been on this journey my whole life, I think. Well, since I got to high school or so at least. I try, I fail, I give up. Rinse and repeat. This time I'm not going cold turkey on everything unhealthy that I love in life, instead I am trying to taper down on those unhealthy choices. This time I'm trying to improve on my diet and fitness by increasing my excercise each month and decreasing the 'bad stuff' each month. Everything I'm doing better this week than last, is a success. Even if I'm not doing better, it's still a success. It's only when I do worse that I consider it a fail. I think it's a better mindset for me, since I have a tendency to slip up and just say Oh, I failed, no use getting back on that wagon. Not this time, this time a slip-up is just a bump in the road. Keep trying, keep fighting, and I'll get there.

I turn 40 by the end of March next year. By then, I want to have lost 50-55lbs. I think I can do that. I should be able to drop a pond per week, and still have room for 'bad weeks'. Besides, it's not really the weight I need to loose. It's the bodyfat that needs to go. I'f I end up not making the goal weight because I have developed muscle mass, I'm good with that. I'd rather be fit and 'heavy', that skinny and unhealthy. For me it's an important distinction, one I have to make and reaffirm, because I have flirted with eating disorders as a child. To get this overweight is an eating disorder in itself, I guess, but at least it's not been bingeing and purging, which was where I was at as a young teen.

Anyways, that's a lot of ramblings for a first post. Enough for now.

See ya soon!