So, this year I decided to focus on my happiness instead of my weight. I believe my weight will go down when I get to where I need to be mentally. This post is about what I have reflected during part 2 of The Science of Happiness course that I am attending online. I am sorry if it is a little "all over the place", but this is just the thoughts coming through my head, so it isn't really sorted.
The 2nd part of the course is focusing on social connections and how this can help you be happier, or actually deprive you from happiness. Of course it got me thinking about my past, and the social connections I have had and still have. During my childhood years I was bullied a lot, and at home I didn't feel like my mom and dad actually understood me. I felt like they also blamed me for things happening at home, and that they might actually love my brother more than me. I still feel they love him more, or at least my mom does. All of this combined made me deprived from all emotional connections and it has defined in many ways who I am today. I suffer from what they actually call emotional depriviation, which means I am terribly bad at telling what I really want, and if people don't do what I want them to do I believe them to not love me, not care for me. I kinda now it isn't true, but because I didn't feel loved as a child I often think that noone can love me know either. I also have an anxiuos attachment style, meaning I want to attach my self to people, have friend be with a significant other, but never feel loved enough. You can also see me as fearful avoidant, which means I want relationships, but are afraid of getting hurt. So this is an area I really need to work with. I need to let myself attach to people, let myself get to know new people, and don't be too afraid of getting hurt. I need to lear how to attach better with people by for example practice active listening even more and better than I do now.
The positive thing about reading about this is that I also see that I have already come a long way. I am better at getting involved with new people now. Also, it is clearer for me why I really don't want to let people go out of my life the minute I get them there. And why I need them to show me that they care for me, as well as telling me.
Also, one thing they talk about in this part of the course is what physical connection does. That when you hug, kiss are intimate you have a higher level of oxytocin in your blood, which actually makes you more calm and make you feel more happy. The "funny" thing about oxytocin is that it is relieved also when eating, and that can explain why we comfort eat. It is also proven that just being around friends help bring up the level of oxytocin. So this explains for me why I find it so much easier to eat less when just hanging with friends, and also why I find cuddling the most important thing of a relationship. In other words, I need to hang more with friend and find myself a partner that likes cuddling. :)