Week 4: All in...

I'm day 2 into week 4 of T25 (a 10 week program). I can't believe that I am just two weeks away from starting phase two (Beta cycle), and I still feel totally pumped. I am excited to get some new work outs because after 3 weeks, the first five are getting a little repetitive feeling. But I am loving how much stronger I am getting and how much closer I am to NAILING all of the moves in each exercise.

I've been really struggling with the psychological aspect of losing weight lately. Not so much with the cravings or even wanting to give up. But more just feeling a little alienated from my body, and feeling a little outsided by my friends and social circle.

I'm at the stage where the weight loss (>70 lbs) is *really* noticeable. I can shop just about anywhere I want, am wearing styles and outfits I never thought I could wear and people are really acting differently towards me...not always in a good way.

It is hard to know that many people defined me by my fatness. It is hard to accept that some people are really uncomfortable by the fact that I am no longer their 'fat' friend and that they now feel like they need to justify their bodies and their lifestyle choices to me.

I have never been a person who bought into fat shaming, and I am certainly not going to start now. Fat is a complex phenomenon, not always associated with health/lifestyle, and I do not believe that a person's body is mine to comment on or criticize. Each person needs to feel comfortable in the body that they inhabit.

But I am starting to realize just how shamed and labelled I was for so many years, and that many people who told me that they 'accepted' me for who I was actually only did so because my fatness made them feel better about themselves.

This is a really strange and disconcerting realization. I feel my friendships shifting and changing, and I don't know what that will mean in the long run. But I do know that I need to remember that I am doing this for me and not for anyone else. At the end of the day, I have nothing to prove to anyone and my body is mine to do with as I please.

Right now, it pleases me to focus on fitness, health, and losing body fat. But that's my own journey and no one else's.

Soolcat

02/24/2015 6:26AM

Hi Zita, I love this post. As someone who has been through 50+ pound gains and losses several times over the years, I relate strongly to everything you're saying here. Whether gaining or losing, I invariably find myself on the receiving end of arrogant critiques, harsh judgement, abandonment, astounding sexism, and even outright attacks. Losing or gaining weight reveals more about those around you than about yourself. Personally, I'd rather 'see' than not see. And as my weight went up or down and I've tried to confront the same demons in myself that emerged from others (much harder to do). I've come to a place where I consider my yo-yoing weight to be both a source of personal perspective and valuable social filter. I have some wonderful people in my life who did *not* turn into complete idiots just because my adipose tissue grew or shrank. And I'd like to think I'm less of an idiot for having had this experience too.

Zita likes this comment.

Zita

This is an awesome comment, with so much insight and food for thought. Thank you! It is nice to know that I am not alone in some of the conflicting feelings <3

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