The hardest part of losing weight for me is definitely the food control part.  Since I could walk I was an athlete and throughout highschool my friends were always jealous that I could eat more than most guys and still be a size zero.  The 2 hour basketball and lacrosse practices 6 days a week along with the high metabolism was awesome, but also a curse.  I never learned to eat clean and healthy because I never had to. I could have whatever I wanted and however much without consequence.

I filled out when I got to college, but the freshman 15 was almost needed on my lanky body.  It wasn't until I turned 21, with the bar hopping and late night eating (pizza, fast food) almost 4 days a week at college that I started to realize that clothes weren't fitting me right.  I didn't feel comfortable looking in the mirror.  But it was easily concealed with the right outfits. 

When summer came, there was no denying it.  A bikini doesn't cover, that's for sure.  I'm a skinny fat.  The type  of girl who is tall and lean and looks good in clothes and everyone tells is crazy for being on a diet.  But when the clothes come off, it's there.  The stomach, the hips, and the thighs.  Not lean, not toned, and buldging in all the wrong places.  

Working out isn't a problem for me.  At one point I actually enjoyed running.  But I'm an eater.  I love all food.  Morning, noon, and night.  Snacking is second nature.  And don't even get me started about my love of mac n' cheese.  A box made for a family of four I could demolish in one sitting.  When there's food at my work it's like my survival instincts kick in.  It's like "I need to eat 3 soft pretzels before they're all gone! It's my last chance! I'll never have an opportunity again!"... we get soft pretzels at least 3x a week.  For whatever reason, when I see food it feels like I need to eat it.  Even if I'm not hungry it's like my mind thinks I won't ever have the opportunity again and I'll regret it if I don't, when in reality I have so many food opportunities, too many!

I really need to retrain my brain to realize that I can survive if I don't have that pretzel, or cookie, or whatever.  That there will be other opportunites down the line, or that I can have just a half a pretzel and be satisfied without binge eating 3.  I need to realize that if I pass up eating a brownie, I won't spend the rest of the day, week, month, regretting the opportuinity.  In fact it's the opposite.  I need to stop having food control me.  Because in the end, it's just food.