I hit a new all time low weight this morning! I am down to 242.8. I started this calendar year at 287 and am hoping to make it down to the 220's by the end of the year. I have been overweight my whole life, battling genetics, bad eating habits, and then thyroid cancer and the following attempts to get my hormones stabilized. I have always been an emotional eater, turning to cheese, desserts, wine, and bread whenever i want to celebrate, commiserate, or just spend a lazy day. This year I have resolved to turn my habits around, I am focusing on going walking or jogging when I have a bad day to get my endorphins up. I have refocused my social activities to be more about being active than sitting in restaurants or bars. I still have a very long way to go, but I'm working on it.
The hardest part for me is that I very rarely feel like I'm making progress. Im hoping that keeping these weigh in photos will help me see the differences more. I can rationalize to myself that I know I've lost 40 lbs and thats a lot, and my clothes fit differently and some dont fit at all and that's great, but I am still so self conscious of my body and my weight. I am making a big effort to make my weightloss journey more public, to try to invite others in to help me on my journey, and it has been very successful. Coworkers and friends are supportive and tell me I'm looking thinner or my clothes look baggy. They help me stay away from break-room brownies and say no to the vat full of mac-n-cheese while fill up on salad. But my brain doesnt seem to be changing very much.
I keep telling myself that weight two hundred and thirty somthing or two hundred twenty something will sound different in my head. Sound less like I could backslide to 260's in a single weekend. I dont know how it will sound when i actually get there. I might just say the same things about being under 200 then. Today I am close to getting below the 240's and that is absolutely huge for me. I was given a gift certificate for a massage back in February that I havent used because it was supposed to be fore when I got under 250 lbs, but I have been right around 250 going up and down for 3 months. Im so scared to use it and then go back over 250 again.
I know I am getting stronger. I know I can run faster and farther. I can feel my clothes fit differently, and feel my bones in my ribcage and hips more. Its never going to be easy, and I have had fatgirl mentality for almost 30 years which doesnt go away overnight. But I'm working on it, and that's the best I can do.