Hello, lovelies!
I just weighed in for my second Transformer this morning and, after a night on the town (my first in years!) for New Year's Eve, I weighed in at 143 lbs. That places my goal weight for this Transformer at 128.7 lbs. And you know what? I'm not sure I even want to be that thin! Woah. How strange it feels to get that off my (rapidly disappearing) chest.
I am recommitting myself to my health and fitness in substantive and important ways this year. I am kicking the year off with another Whole30 (the thing that really got me going on my real weight loss to begin with. Check it out here. Life changing, I promise.) and am going to start each quarter with one to keep me constantly reminded of how much better I feel and perform when I am ultra conscientious about not only the caloric content but also the composition of what I put in my body. I have joined an incredibly community-oriented Crossfit box in my neighborhood and am joining with the intent to expand my fitness regimen to include more than simply running and running and running until all of the muscle falls off the upper half of my body. I am doing another Dietbet because the community and accountability I have found here have pushed me to achieve goals at which I would not have otherwise succeeded.
But here's the thing with that 128 lb number. I am a mesomorph's mesomorph. I carry muscle like it's my job. Even at 195, my physician underestimated my weight by 30 lbs. At nearly 145, I wear a size 4 but have to get my boots stretched to fit around my massive, and muscular, calves. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that, despite my admittedly quite small frame, I will forever be fitting my pants to my muscular butt and thighs. I will always size my long sleeve shirts, sweaters, and jackets based on whether or not they fit around my biceps. And I will always weigh 15-20 lbs more than I look like I weigh. As I pursue Crossfit and begin to put real muscle on my chest, back, and arms for the first time in years, I am going to make great strides in altering my body composition for the better. I am also going to put on pounds of muscle. Pounds that I am glad to have, but pounds that will nevertheless show up on the scale and may bump me out of contention for this second Transformer. And I'm okay with that. Because even if I don't win the bet, I am winning by having a fantastic community of health-minded individuals to check in with, rant to, cheer for, and be cheered for by. I am winning by changing my body for the better. I am winning by redefining what 135 lbs (or wherever I end up) looks like, what feats of strength 135 lbs can accomplish, and how amazing and sexy and powerful 135 lbs can feel as a body to live in.
None of my goals involve being a waif. They do, however, involve being and feeling strong, being and feeling at home in my body, and being part of and feeling connected to a community of health. Dietbet is part of all of those things for me. I enjoy reading about other's triumphs and sharing in our mutual struggles. I love logging in just to leave a few comments and see how everyone's week is going. And I love the little bit of pressure to really keep it together that weekly and monthly weigh ins provide. I don't know what my goal weight is any more. But I know what my goal weight feels like. So I'm here with you all to get there. And yes, to possibly let you take my money while we're at it.
Love and Light,
Cameron