What a difference 1 year can make! I am a really private person but I just wanted to share my experience with you ladies, maybe there is someone out there this will touch, encourage, or someone who maybe able to relate to this.
I was in a 2 year relationship and at the beginning everything was perfect! I thought that I had met the "one". Then about 6 months in he began to show his true colors. And I fall in love easily so needless to say no matter what he did, I couldn't shake him my heart kept telling me things would get better. I picked up my happy life in Dallas and moved to Las Vegas with him (my hometown) so I figured I can at least have the support of my family. No big deal right? Well with his new job, more money, and luxury car came HUGE ego. I maybe lasted 4 months before I had enough of the games and the lies and I was back in my mother's house-I haven't lives at home since I was 18 years-old.
This is what all the stress did to me; constantly depressed, on a therapist couch weekly, I gained and excessive amount of weight, loss my hair (in a patches), my confidence was shot, and I couldn't shake the suicidal thoughts. I was a mess! And I don't blame him, I blame myself. How did I let things get so bad? Everything that was beautiful in my life suddenly lost its meaning and all my passion was gone.
I allowed him to stop me from doing what I love all on the false pretense that he would help me do the things I love-which never happened. I let everything become an excuse to be miserable. I stopped blogging b/c I was depressed, since I was depressed I ate a lot. And since I ate a lot I was too big for most of my clothes. Which I felt like I couldn't blog. I thought, "no one wants to see a fat blogger" I stopped filming my YouTube videos. I was toeing the edge...then one day God spoke to me through my mother.
Countless times everyone would tell me, "You are too good for him" and I just ignored it. I thought oh they don't know him, they don't know how I feel, etc. My uncle passed away and my family and I took a trip to California to go to the funeral. And my mother said to me, "baby I know that you love him, but are you going to take those same problems into 2015?" And just like that epiphany!
To say all that, this is the new beginning for me. I am going to be the best Jewel I can be. Focus on finding my passion for life again. And I will be documenting my journey on YouTube vlog and my fashion blog (Jewels Jay). I have been without him for over a month and I haven't looked back since. Although I'm starting over, I couldn't be happier!