Today was my second Zumba class.
I've read *a lot* of weight loss journey blogs that go something like "I hated to exercise and then I found Zumba!"
I am not that person.
I love to exercise. I love hiking and yoga and running and swimming. So a month ago I thought I'd give Zumba a try, as a variation from my 3x a week running plan.
I did not love it.
But I have always and forever had difficulty with Latin dance steps / patterns. I've taken one-off salsa lessons, but for whatever reason I never really *get* it, in that way where it becomes internalized and you can do it without thinking and do creative variations.
I do love Latin music and speak Spanish, so that part is fun. I also love some types of dance - specifically contra dance and square dancing. :)
With that in mind, I went today for my second class and thought I'd go easy on myself - no worries about getting all the steps, etc. just have fun. But one of the instructors was this perfectly proportioned woman in spandex that was pushing me outside my comfort zone with complex steps, partnered dances, etc. And then it happened - I started to have body issues. This is not normal for me. I don't worry too much about my body image on a day to day basis, don't spend much time comparing myself to others or wishing I could swap out parts for some model's. But today, in the middle of Zumba while watching this woman and looking at myself in the mirror, I felt completely and utterly unfeminine. Like a dancing refrigerator with two left feet. Miserable.
But rather than quitting and going back to my comfort zone exercises, I'm going to keep dropping in occasionally. I know that part of my anxiety was just perfectionism rearing its head - I was uncomfortable because I didn't catch on to all the moves as well as the people who do this every day. But that's okay. They've earned it. It's okay to be a beginner. To be imperfect. To be the worst person in the class...so long as I'm getting better.
I want to see a slimmer profile in the mirror in a few months. I want to have more energy to devote to the flourishes. And I want to have fun doing the steps with a fun group of people after I've learned them. So I'm going to keep going back. To be continued...